


A Stone Heart Needs No Mourners

by SapphireSmoke



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 03:49:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireSmoke/pseuds/SapphireSmoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five stages of grief as a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> **Beta:** [BellaRei713](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/641948/BellaRei713)  
>  **A/N:** This fic is very much centered around Regina's fear of vulnerability, and how she eventually learns to accept that love is a far better alternative than a heart made of stone. I had this idea a few weeks back and couldn't really let it go, so I actually made it amount to something, despite already being in the middle of another story, lol. Updates will be every Sunday, provided my girlfriend/beta doesn't slap me for overworking her. We'll see :P

  


**PART I  
Denial**  


“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Henry asked one day, as casually as one would inquire about the weather, and in her surprise Regina nearly dropped the take out bag that Granny had just handed her. She fumbled with it for a moment, the question having caught her off guard, and once she felt as though the breakfast she had just purchased wouldn’t land on the floor, she sharply turned towards her son.

“Excuse me?”

In the back of her mind, Regina already knew to whom Henry was referring. Still, the idea that her son had apparently formulated was completely preposterous, and it made the simple question feel more like a misguided accusation, which then caused Regina to noticeably bristle in defense. Henry however, his sixteen years beginning to mold him into quite the accurate reflection of both of his mothers, merely raised a skeptical eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Don’t act like you don’t know. You’ve been covertly wooing her with bear claws over the better part of the last year. Every single day, Mom,” Henry reminded her, his eyes glancing at the pastry concealed in the bag as though its mere existence was the answer to every question one could ever think to ask. “Every. Single. _Day._ ”

“I am not _wooing_ your birthmother,” Regina corrected sharply, the brown paper bag crinkling in her hand as her grip on it tightened substantially, “With pastries or any other form of breakfast food. I am simply being nice, as Miss Swan regularly forgets to eat in the morning, and the Sherriff’s office is on my way to work. I had believed that was what you wanted of us, did you not; to be _civil_ towards one another?”

“Being civil is saying hi when you pass each other on the street,” Henry told her pointedly. “Delivering baked goods on a daily basis is practically a love letter.”

“Are you quite finished?” Regina snapped, eyeing her son in a disapproving manner. “Because if you’re not, I might have to think about rescheduling your driving lessons for another day.”

Henry just rolled his eyes, knowing that it was an idle threat. If Regina didn’t teach him, then Emma would, and Henry _knew_ how much his adoptive mother hated that idea. “You don’t need to get defensive over it,” he told her as he slid onto one of the barstools, awaiting the pancakes they had ordered. “It’s not that big a deal.”

“On the contrary, I think you having misguided romantic idealizations of your two mothers getting together is terribly unhealthy,” Regina informed him, placing herself on the seat to the right of her son as she nearly slammed the to-go bag down on the counter, taking out her frustrations on the unsuspecting pastry. This was entirely its fault anyway. “I don’t know where this foolish idea came from, but it needs to cease.”

Henry glanced at the object that had seemed to offend his mother so badly, looking a little amused by the abuse it was receiving. “I think she likes you too, you know,” he casually mentioned as Regina put her cup of coffee to her lips.

She practically choked on its contents.

As Henry laughed at the reaction, Regina shot him a furious glare. Mopping up the liquid that had spilled on the countertop with a napkin, she sharply asked him, “What is this, some kind of ill-advised, teenage _prank?_ Because I can assure you, Henry, it’s not funny; and it will be even _less_ so once you find yourself grounded for the rest of the month.”

“Oh come on, Mom. Relax,” Henry responded with an eye roll. “Not everyone’s out to get you. I’m actually being serious. Emma talks about you all the time, and I’m pretty sure the whole bear claw thing is the best part of her day. She’s always like, a thousand times happier after you come by.”

“Then that is either a testament to how dreadfully dull her life is, or the fact that she has an unnatural obsession with pastries. Either way, you’re reaching.” As Ruby came by to place their plates of food in front of them, Henry looked like he was about to contradict her, but Regina interrupted him with a stabbing motion towards the pancakes in front of him. “Eat. This conversation is over.”

Henry sighed heavily, stabbing his food dejectedly with his fork. “Whatever,” he mumbled, apparently having expected that this conversation would’ve had a different end. “But I still think you should just ask her out; that way you don’t have to pretend your weekly dinners with her are just so you can talk about _me._ Seriously, you guys aren’t fooling anyone.”

Regina clenched her jaw, and for her son’s sake, pretended not to hear him.

[x]

“Regina, you really don’t have to pay every single week. I have money too.”

Regina was about to brush that off, just as she had every week over the past six months, but this time something stopped her. Her son’s accusation came to rest at the forefront of her mind, making Regina involuntarily flush as suddenly it didn’t seem so logical anymore that just because she received a larger weekly paycheck than Emma, she should be paying for their dinner. In fact, their regular table in the corner of the restaurant seemed almost akin to the atmosphere of a date, a thought which was heightened by the fact that neither of them exactly dressed casually for these meetings anymore. But it was a nice place, and shouldn’t their attire reflect upon that?

Still, it made Regina paranoid. Did Emma believe it was a date? Did Regina subconsciously do this because she herself wished to be? It sounded so utterly ridiculous, and yet Henry had planted this idea in the back of her mind, and despite how hard Regina tried to shake the feeling that perhaps there really was more to their interaction than she previously believed, she found it wouldn’t budge.

“Are you okay?” Emma asked, taking notice of the change in Regina’s demeanor. She reached across the table, resting her hand on top of the brunette’s in concern. “You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

Regina started at the feeling of Emma’s hand atop hers, a gesture that wasn’t exactly foreign to them, and yet still she quickly pulled it away as though she had been burned. A hurt look flashed across the blonde’s face, but within a moment it was gone, allowing Regina to convince herself that it was her imagination. “I’m fine,” she quickly assured her, yet could not meet the other woman’s gaze as she said it.

“I told you not to get the fish.”

“It wasn’t the fish,” Regina assured her. “I merely have a headache and the lighting in here seems to be furthering it. So in the interest of leaving quickly, you may pay for your half of the meal if you so desire, but I don’t want to argue about it.”

Emma’s brow crinkled at Regina’s dismissive attitude, as they had been getting along great throughout the rest of the meal, but she still fished her wallet out of her pocket as the waiter came over. “Just put it all on my card,” she told him, before Regina could hand the man her own.

“I said _half_ ,” Regina sharply reminded her as the waiter scurried away from the table, noticing the former Queen’s dark look and not wanting to stick around to find out what would come after. “This is not a date, Miss Swan; I don’t need you to pay for my meal.”

Emma rolled her eyes at the other woman’s attitude. “No, it’s not, because when I take you on a date it’s not gonna be at the same damn restaurant we go to _every single week_. Believe it or not, I actually have more imagination than that. So just smile and say thank you, Regina; it’s what I do when _you_ pay.”

As the waiter came over to hand Emma her receipt, the blonde just shook her head as she puffed out a long breath of air. “Jesus, what is with you today?” she mumbled, scribbling her signature at the bottom of the slip of paper.

“…When?”

“What?” Emma asked, her brow crinkling in confusion at Regina’s unexpected response. But Regina was just staring at her, this uncomfortable feeling of rocks settling at the pit of her stomach. She had hoped she misheard her, but Regina was fairly certain that she hadn’t.

“You said ‘when’, not ‘if’.”

For all of her attitude before, Emma suddenly looked a little pale. “No, I didn’t,” she quickly dismissed, her eyes falling back to the paper as she wrote in the tip, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“Yes, you did. I’m not deaf, dear.”

Emma clenched her jaw as she slammed the pen down on the table, the sound actually managing to startle Regina, who already felt on edge for even broaching the sensitive topic in the first place. “You know, can you just… I don’t know, for _once_ , not make it your mission in life to make me look stupid? Because every time I think we’re getting somewhere, you have to go and make me feel like an idiot for even trying.”

“I…” Regina tried, but words failed her as she began to feel utterly lost. She hadn’t expected that kind of reaction, and it made her feel a little bad. Emma actually looked upset, but for the life of her, Regina couldn’t understand _why._ “I wasn’t trying to make you look stupid, Emma. I just don’t understand what it is that you’re ‘trying’ to do, here.”

“Don’t you?” Emma challenged, looking her in the eye. The intensity of the gaze made Regina feel uncomfortable, and so she was the one to break it. Regina didn’t much like feeling nervous, as that feeling never led anywhere good. 

“No.”

“Right, okay,” Emma responded disbelievingly, getting to her feet. “Thanks for meeting me for dinner, Regina. It’s been…” she searched for the word, but in the end, decided to just outright tell the truth with a heavy sigh, “really fucking embarrassing.”

And then she was gone, leaving Regina to just sit at the table with her mouth slightly ajar.

What in the _hell_ just happened?

[x]

“Damn, Mom. What did you do?”

Regina’s brow furrowed as she glanced at her phone, receiving Henry’s text message. It was his weekend at Emma’s, so Regina could only deduce that whatever he was talking about, he was referring to what had happened between Emma and her at the restaurant. That made Regina feel uncomfortable. Despite not knowing what the hell had even happened, it still felt like it should be a private affair.

Picking up her cell, Regina quickly typed back, “What do you mean?”

A minute passed, then the phone beeped again. “Emma just came home and punched a wall. All I heard was some swearing and then your name before she barricaded herself in her room.”

Regina blinked, swallowing the tension in her throat. What on earth was going on? Things between she and Emma had been progressively getting better over the last few years, so much that if – and only if – Regina had a gun to her head, she would actually admit out loud that they had become friends. But that was _all_ they were, wasn’t it? Surely Emma knew that.

Another beep. “Mom?”

Regina sighed, picking back up her phone. “I’m here,” she typed back. “Honestly, I’m unsure what I did that upset her. Dinner was… fairly confusing.”

It took a little longer for a response, but when it came Henry told her, “Well whatever you did, fix it. Bring her a half dozen box or something in the morning.”

A pause, then another beep followed.

“Actually, scratch that: bring a whole dozen. I think I just heard something break upstairs.”

[x]

“What is that?”

Emma’s flat tone as she stared at the box in Regina’s hands made the woman instantly feel foolish. Perhaps she should have not even bothered to come here; Emma’s anger clearly hadn’t diminished any, which meant this would probably not be well received. Still, Regina held it out to her. “An apology,” she explained as Emma took the box from her, opening it up to inspect the contents. “I… I didn’t mean to upset you last night. I think perhaps I had too much wine.”

“Too much wine,” Emma deadpanned, putting the box down on her desk. “That’s what you’re gonna go with?”

Regina blinked, uncertainty masking over her features. “Well what else would you like me to go with, dear? I’m still unsure of what I even did that upset you so much. I really wasn’t trying to make you look stupid; I was just asking for clarification. You were the one that said ‘when’.”

“And you were the one who acted like you didn’t even know what I was talking about, after you deliberately _pushed!_ ” Emma exclaimed, pointing at her furiously. “I mean, Jesus— I _thought_ we were doing the whole… slow thing, or whatever, so you wouldn’t get all freaked out, and I was fine with that, okay? I was. But then you didn’t let my slip go, deciding instead to just _barrel_ headfirst through all the bullshit, and—”

“What ‘slow thing’?” Regina demanded, cutting her off mid-sentence. Emma looked at her as though she had four heads and not one of them was making any sense, which at least explained why Regina felt like her confusion over this entire exchange had quadrupled.

“Are you kidding me right now? Because I gotta tell you, Regina; not a great time to joke.” 

But then she paused, taking in the look of on-setting panic and utter perplexion that was settling across Regina’s face, and Emma’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh my god,” she breathed, looking at her in disbelief as she slumped onto the top of her desk. “You really don’t know, do you?”

Regina was certain her heart was about to pound its way out of her chest, and God—she was really not okay with that feeling. “Know _what?_ ” she snapped, hating how overwhelmed she was feeling right now. Regina knew, in the back of her mind she _knew_ what this was about, but the very last thing she wanted to do right now was face it.

“What you’ve been doing. What _we’ve_ been doing for like… Jesus, the past nine freaking months.”

Regina shot her a look, warning her not to go down this road. She was certain neither of them would like where it led. There was a _reason_ Regina distanced herself from these kinds of things, and she wasn’t just about to allow that to not matter. “We haven’t been doing anything, Miss Swan.”

“Right, okay,” Emma responded disbelievingly as she hopped off her desk, grabbing the box of bear claws in her hand. Gone was the woman who just sat back and allowed things to happen at their own pace, and instead she began to advance on the former queen with a sense of purpose in her eyes. “So what the hell is this then?”

Regina instinctively took two steps backwards due to the look etched upon Emma’s face. It seemed almost predatory, and all the blood in Regina’s body immediately rushed southward at how dangerously appealing it felt to be hunted. “They’re called pastries,” Regina told her, ever the defiant. “Perhaps you should look them up on the internet if you’re unsure, or are our tax dollars solely for funding your porn habit?”

The words were meant for the sole reason of throwing her off, to just get Emma away from her and onto another damn topic that didn’t make Regina feel like running straight out the front door, but the blonde merely smirked at that. “Don’t need porn,” she told her pointedly, throwing the box of pastries onto the file cabinet to the left of Regina, “Have you.”

Regina nearly choked on her breath at the bluntness of the other woman’s statement. She really wasn’t expecting it, and it seemed Emma found pleasure in taking her so off guard, because her smirk widened. “Excuse me?” Regina demanded, hoping she had just misheard her. She knew she hadn’t though.

“Well, and my imagination. But it’s good enough for now.”

Regina fumed, furious at actually being bested at her own game. That is, if it _was_ a game. Regina really hoped that it was, and that Emma’s words were solely meant to annoy her, because the mental image of Emma masturbating while thinking of her was—

Fuck. Was probably going to kill her, actually.

“Well I’m glad you have _something,_ dear, because you certainly don’t have tact,” Regina shot back, trying to wipe the very distracting image of Emma’s hand between her own legs out of her mind. It was a fairly difficult task to accomplish though, and suddenly Regina found herself wondering if Emma called out her name as she came.

_Christ._

Focus.

“Tried tact,” Emma told her with a shrug, that annoying little smirk still plastered on her face. Regina clenched her jaw and tried not to flush; she really didn’t want Emma to know that she was entertaining the vulgar idea in the back of her mind. “Really didn’t work. All it did was get me nine months of this cat and mouse game with a woman who can’t even admit to herself that she has feelings for me.”

Regina noticeably bristled at the accusation, beginning to feel emotionally attacked. This was not what they _did._ They had come to some sort of unspoken agreement, had they not? Why couldn’t they just stick to that? Why did Emma feel the need to make everything far more complicated?

“I do _not_ have feelings for you, Miss Swan. Have you been speaking to Henry? Because I hardly think a teenage boy with the idealization for a proper family is a good frame of reference.”

“No, but nice to know the kid’s on my side,” Emma told her, before motioning to the box of pastries again. “Seriously, Regina, what did you think you were doing? You know Ruby told me that when your car was in the shop a few months ago you actually _walked_ over here every day to give me my breakfast? That kind of says something, especially coming from someone like you.”

Regina shot her a furious glare. This was utterly ridiculous, and _damnit,_ naked Emma really needed to find a new home other than inside of her head. “I needed the exercise. Having a desk job doesn’t allot me much of it. That was for _me,_ not for you.”

“Fine, okay, we’ll talk about me then,” Emma told her, still trying to make her point that Regina was fighting tooth and nail to not accept as truth. “Did you really think I broke into your office every week for the last four months to put fresh flowers on your desk just because I wanted to be _friends?_ Cause that’s not exactly standard, Regina.”

Regina blinked, the admission actually startling her. “ _You_ did that? I had thought…”

“What, that your useless secretary did it?” Emma responded, looking at Regina like she couldn’t fathom how she had come to that conclusion at all. “Come on, Regina, that dude can’t even keep your schedule straight; you really think he’s gonna make sure you have your favorite flowers on your desk every week? He probably doesn’t even know what you like.” Emma’s brow crinkled as she paused, this unreadable expression passing over her face before she said softly, “I thought you knew…”

“I… I didn’t,” Regina admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. There was a lot that she could ignore, but a gesture like that wasn’t one of them. It made her feel… actually quite special. It wasn’t often that anyone made her feel like she was worthy of attention. “That’s… thank you. They’ve always been very beautiful.” 

Emma gave her a small smile, looking fairly calmer after the other woman’s gratitude. It seemed that once Regina at least acknowledged _something,_ Emma no longer felt like she had to push. She had managed to put a small crack in Regina’s fervent denial, and now all she had to do was stand back and watch it crumble. 

Emma took a small step towards her, and when Regina didn’t retreat, she took another. Reaching for the brunette’s hand, Emma gently pulled the other woman the rest of the way. “Regina,” she began softly. “I… I like you.”

Regina exhaled a hard breath, turning away from her. “Don’t,” she pleaded, her heart firmly lodged in her throat as she tried to pull away from her. Emma’s grip was firm though, and she wasn’t about to just let her leave until she had her say.

“And not just in a ‘I wanna bend you over my desk and do dirty things to you’ kind of way… although that mental picture is nothing to scoff at,” Emma continued, shooting her a small smirk. But then she got serious again and she used her other hand to lightly touch Regina’s chin, guiding her to look at her once more. Regina fought it for a moment, but in the end, if she really wanted to leave, she could have.

There was a part of her that needed to hear the rest, despite how bad of a decision that could turn out to be.

“I want to hold your hand at dinner. I want to take you dancing. I want to make you breakfast in bed, and then hear you complain about how I burnt the toast.” Regina snorted softly at the truth in that statement, and her amusement made Emma smile. “I want to know what your favorite song is, and then watch you laugh as I try to sing it to you. Because you know, when you laugh, it just… it fucking lights up your entire face. And it’s… it’s beautiful, Regina. _You’re_ beautiful.”

Regina felt her breathing shallow and she tore her eyes away from Emma’s prying gaze. “You see what you want to see,” she told her softly. “I’m not beautiful, Miss Swan. I’m very far from it. And if you do not cease your romanticized delusion of me, one of us is bound to get hurt.”

“One of us?” Emma questioned gently, although a small smile began to tug at the corners of her lips. “So, not just me then?”

Regina closed her eyes for a moment, silently berating herself. “I misspoke,” she tried, but she knew even as she said it, that it wouldn’t be accepted. She didn’t even know if she believed it herself anymore. What Emma had said, it… it made her feel something. It made her feel something terribly dangerous, and yet the crack had been made, and so all that was left was for Emma to watch her shatter.

And God, she was. She _was._

Regina _did_ give her those damn pastries every day for a reason. She _did_ invite Emma to dinner every week for something other than Henry. She dressed up because she wanted Emma to notice, and Regina wasn’t leaving now, even though she knew that she should, because there was a part of her that was afraid if she did, Emma wouldn’t come after her.

And yet still, her own fear was threatening to consume her, as she knew that if they fell into this, they were bound to drown in its destruction. People like her, they didn’t get their happy endings, and the last thing Regina wanted to do was to take Emma down with her. She didn’t deserve that.

“I don’t have feelings for you, Emma.”

The words were barely even audible, yet they were said all the same. But instead of being deterred by them, Emma’s fingers lightly untangled from Regina’s so they could trail over her palm, up to her wrist as she took a step closer. “No?” she questioned lightly, her digits now tracing an agonizingly slow path up her arm.

“No.”

It didn’t sound in the least bit convincing.

And then Emma’s hand was cupping her neck, tangling in her hair, and Regina felt her breath leave her as the blonde eradicated the last of the space between them. Her eyes falling closed, Regina could feel Emma’s uneven breath on her lips, and though she expected the woman to kiss her, to shatter the last of her own foolish delusion, she didn’t.

“Tell me you don’t one more time,” Emma breathed, her fingers tightening at the base of Regina’s neck. “One more time, and I’ll walk away and we can pretend like this never happened. I promise. If it scares you that much, we can… it doesn’t have to happen.”

Regina didn’t dare open her eyes. It was ridiculous, for someone so predatory to suddenly find themselves the prey. It was disorienting and it was overwhelming, and yet, a small part in the back of Regina’s mind reminded her that she had probably always been the aggressor because in the end, no one could ever really be bothered to chase her.

Except Emma.

“But you want it to?” Regina asked quietly, despite already knowing the answer. Still, she could feel Emma smile against her lips at that, and it filled the pit of her stomach was an inconceivable feeling of warmth that was so very hard to ignore.

“Yeah,” Emma whispered, the words almost being breathed into her. “I do. A lot, actually. Like in the ‘it’s the only thing I ever really think about anymore’ kind of way…” She chuckled a little, leaning her forehead against Regina’s. “I know that sounds stupid. I’m not really good at this, sorry.”

Regina bit her bottom lip and moved her head upwards, just slightly, so that their noses bumped against one another. “It’s not stupid,” she told her softly, feeling the last of her resolve shatter in an instant. “And you are _much_ better at this than you think…”

Emma smiled, but it was soon covered by a soft pair of lips, Regina having finally lost the battle within herself. In that moment, it didn’t matter how bad of an idea it was. It didn’t matter that there was no way that this could end well. It didn’t even matter that they had a teenage son that could get caught in the middle of this entire disaster, because Emma was holding onto her like she didn’t want to let her go, she touched her as though she was something to be treasured, and she breathed a sense of happiness into Regina that the woman hadn’t felt in such a very, very long time.

It gave her hope, _she_ gave her hope, and in the end, Regina knew that was the sole reason why Emma was so very, very dangerous to her.

**TBC… ******


	2. Anger

**PART II  
Anger**

It ended just as soon as it began.

Emma had taken her bottom lip gently between her teeth, running her tongue delicately against the succulent flesh she had entrapped, eliciting a soft sound of contentment from the woman in her arms. There was a certain way that Emma kissed her, as though the more time she took memorizing the feel of Regina’s lips on hers, the easier it would become to forever burn it into her memory. Regina couldn’t even remember the last time someone indulged in the feeling of her, instead of just taking what it was that they desired in that moment. It made her feel _worth_ something, and that, in the end, was simply not acceptable.

It meant that if this furthered, if Regina allowed this thing – whatever this was between them – to continue, that she had much more to lose than a passing moment of contentment. Emma was not just the birthmother of her son, but she was also the only friend that Regina had, and if this ended how she expected it to, she would end up losing everything.

And so she pulled away, struggling to find her breath through the haze of emotion Emma had poured into her with such effortless simplicity. “I’m… late for work,” Regina muttered as an excuse, backing up three long strides. Her nails scraped her scalp as she fumbled with her frazzled appearance, trying to make herself look more put together than she felt.

_Foolish,_ she harshly reprimanded herself, in a voice that sounded startlingly like her deceased mother’s. _Your lack of self-control will be your undoing. Love is weakness, and when this all falls apart, you’ll have no one but yourself to blame._

Emma watched her, breathing slightly uneven, eyes taking in every mixed expression that passed over the brunette’s face as Regina tried to figure out a way to undo the damage she had just caused. Emma could see the regret that shone in her eyes, the fear that hovered just beneath the surface, and her face masked into one of guilt.

“Shit, Regina, I didn’t mean to—”

Be honest? Move too fast? Be so absolutely and ridiculously perfect that it frightened Regina nearly to death? Yes, she was aware Emma never meant to do any of that. Still, it meant nothing. It had happened, and now it would be more difficult than ever to set things right again.

She had foolishly allowed her feelings to override her good sense, and damnit, she _knew_ better.

“It’s fine,” Regina lied, cutting her off mid-sentence. “But I have to be heading off to work now; I have a meeting in a little under two hours that I’m not nearly prepared for. I’m sure we’ll speak later.”

“No, come on,” Emma tried, knowing Regina well enough by now to spot her diplomatic behavior as what it was: a shield. “Regina, don’t do this. Don’t run. I just… I know you felt something when we kissed, I _know_ you did. Please.”

Of course she did, and that was precisely why she had to leave.

And so without another word, Regina disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke, leaving Emma to stare dejectedly at the empty space where she had once resided.

[x]

It was much later when Regina realized that she had left her car parked at the station, and out of fear of running into Emma when she went to retrieve it, Regina had texted her son, asking him to pick up the vehicle.

Henry readily obliged, much too excited to be allotted the privilege of driving to ask why she even needed it retrieved. At least, until he drove up to City Hall at half-past five to pick her up; then the comfort of privacy was gone, and the inevitable questions started.

[x]

“You used magic again, didn’t you?”

Regina rubbed her temples with her thumb and forefinger, her elbow resting on the dash as they pulled away from City Hall. She had been so terribly out of practice, and so even a simple teleporting spell seemed to take its toll on her. “Yes,” she admitted quietly, because in the end, she knew better than to lie to him.

“You’re not supposed to,” Henry lectured her, sounding disappointed. “That was the law _you_ put into place, so we don’t have another incident like what happened with Greg and Tamara. Everyone wants to feel safe here, Mom.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that, Henry, _thank you,_ ” Regina bit back, closing her eyes as her head continued to pound mercilessly. She exhaled a long sigh before admitting, “It was… an instinctual reaction. I’m sorry. I won’t let it happen again.”

Henry chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment before side glancing her. Regina knew that he worried about her; she had explained to him once that magic was like an addiction for her, and the last thing he wanted was to watch her fall off the wagon. “So you teleported?” Henry asked her for a moment, although the question seemed more rhetorical than anything else when he deduced, “Away from the station; away from Emma.”

Regina pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew where this was going. “As happy as I am that you’ve taken an interest in psychology, dear, I would appreciate it if you didn’t analyze me or my actions.”

“I’m just curious,” Henry defended. “I mean, you and Emma haven’t fought in ages. Not _really,_ anyway. So why—”

“It’s really none of your concern,” Regina shot down, not about to have this kind of conversation with her _son._ “Despite the fact that we are both your mothers, we are still people and should be allotted some sense of priv—your blinker, Hen—use your _blinker!_ ”

Henry rolled his eyes, as he had already turned down Mifflin Street without anything catastrophic happening. “There was no one around, Mom. Relax.”

“That’s hardly the point. If you ever wish to get behind the wheel of a car again, you will use your turn signals _at all times_ , is that understood?”

Henry shot her a sarcastic look between alternating the left and right turn signals for no other reason than to annoy her. Regina’s gaze darkened. “Don’t get smart with me.”

Henry smirked, but turned them off. “But it’s so funny when that vein in your forehead pops.”

Regina sighed heavily as they turned into the driveway. He was definitely Emma’s son.

[x]

Regina couldn’t sleep.

She tossed and turned in bed, plagued by her own thoughts. Despite countless efforts to think of anything but, her mind was constantly returning to Emma; the way her lips felt against her own, the way her fingertips dug possessively into her hip. If she were to be honest with herself, Regina would admit that she had desired the feeling for quite a long time. But honesty was dangerous, and so Regina repeated the mantra inside her head that, just because she enjoyed it, did not mean that she wanted it.

But then she would be reminded that it was _her_ who initiated the kiss in the first place, which would only manage to frustrate her all over again.

_Clearly_ she had wanted it.

But it was only a moment, Regina rationalized; a moment of weakness, and one that would not happen again. To want so desperately was foolhardy, and would only stand to hurt them both in the end. Regina already feared losing the only friend she had because of her own ability to unconsciously destroy everything that she touched, but to have that friend become her _lover?_ Regina didn’t believe that she could survive another heartbreak, which was why she avoided situations like these at all costs.

But with Emma… damn, with _Emma_ it was so much harder.

She wanted to touch her, taste her, consume everything that she was so she could feel the light that radiated from the woman’s heart. She wanted to feel Emma’s fingers weaving through her hair as she indulged herself in the woman’s scent. She wanted to feel nails on her back and hear her name fall from her lips. She wanted to possess her. She wanted to devour her. She wanted… she wanted…

Regina bit back a moan as her fingers slid through her heat, her eyes fluttering closed as her lust for the forbidden overtook rational sense. 

_Once,_ she told herself as she spread herself with her fingers. _I’ll indulge just once, and then I’ll never have to think of it again._

And so she did. The vivid picture she had painted in her mind overshadowed all else as suddenly it was Emma’s fingers sliding against her, inside of her. Regina turned her head and buried her face in her pillow, her hips craning towards a fantasy that she would never allow to become real. A name, _her_ name, fell from her lips as she came once, then twice, then another time after that.

And should Regina had been able to take it, she would have done it another fifty times.

_No. No, no, no._

This was not supposed to happen. She was never supposed to acknowledge that she felt this way. Regina had buried it, deep beneath her pain and fear, in the hope that they would crush it into nothing. But there was no denying what she felt now, Emma having brought it out into the open without a care as to how it was going to destroy everything that they had managed to build, and that began to enrage her.

How dare she. How _dare_ she.

[x]

“How _dare_ you.”

Emma blinked, her spoon halfway to her lips as she awkwardly held a half-eaten bowl of cereal in her hands. She was dressed in nothing but a white tank top and cut-off boy shorts, her hair mussed with traces of yesterday’s makeup underneath her eyes. She clearly wasn’t expecting company this morning, nor for someone to literally _barge_ their way into her apartment without even bothering to knock first. But knocking took patience, which this morning, Regina found she had none of.

“Hi, Regina. Good morning to you too. Would you like to come in?” she deadpanned, putting down her cereal bowl on the counter top.

For some reason, the sight of Emma’s breakfast food seemed to enrage her further, and the stupid pastry bag that she had _still_ – despite everything – picked up for her, crumpled underneath her forceful grip before Regina decided, to hell with controlling herself, and chucked it in her general direction.

“Hey!” Emma exclaimed, ducking out of instinct, despite the fact that Regina’s aim was terrible and the thing flew at least two feet to the left of her head before hitting the wall. “What the hell was that for?!”

“What on earth possessed you to even _think_ that you had a right to do this to me?” Regina snarled, advancing on her. “Why couldn’t you have left things alone? Are you so utterly inept that you’ve failed to realize how mind-numbingly _stupid_ it was for us to even open up this door in the first place?”

“Uhh… no?” Emma tried, retreating a few steps until her back hit the island counter. She still looked half asleep, and was currently struggling to actually comprehend what the hell was going on. It was probably a tad disorienting to get things thrown at your head before you’ve even had your morning coffee. “Because I really don’t think it’s stu—”

“Of course it’s stupid!” Regina snapped, slamming her hand down on the surface of the counter once she had successfully (and probably rather foolishly) eradicated the space between them. “Romantic entanglements complicate things, and our situation is already complicated enough because of Henry! When it ends, how on earth do you think he’s going to feel? Giving him false hope for a family is _cruel,_ Emma, and I won’t allow it!”

“…Your pessimism really lights up the room, you know that?”

Regina’s eyes flashed. “It is not pessimism, it’s a statement of _fact,_ Miss Swan. This will not end well.” 

“Well yeah, if you go into a relationship with that attitude, of course it won’t,” Emma countered. Her eyes took in Regina’s expression then, finding something hidden beneath her mask of anger far quicker than the brunette would have liked. It was unsettling, to realize her walls meant absolutely nothing anymore when confronted with Emma Swan. It made her feel vulnerable, and that set her at unrest.

“Why are you so afraid of this?” Emma asked softly, her eyebrows crinkling as her fingertips brushed softly over the palm of Regina’s hand. The connection ceased almost immediately however, Regina moving her hand away from the other woman’s grasp as she broke eye contact. “Regina, we have feelings for each other. Okay? Why can’t…” Emma sighed softly, leaning against the counter a little more firmly, “why can’t that just be what it is? Why do we need to put so much pressure on it?”

“We share a _son—_ ”

“Who is sixteen, and old enough to understand that relationships aren’t perfect,” Emma interrupted, not about to let Regina give her Henry as an excuse. “If we start dating, I doubt he’s going to expect us to get married within the week.”

Regina let out a frustrated breath of air before suddenly backing away from her, her patience nearing its limit. “That’s not the point,” she snapped. “While Henry is a large factor, he is not the only reason why we shouldn’t pursue this. You’ve allowed your misguided feelings for me to cloud your sense of rationality and that is just… it’s _not_ acceptable! This isn’t an intelligent decision for either of our sakes, and I demand you stop disillusioning yourself before one of us ends up getting hurt because of it.”

“Oh, you _demand_ it, do you?” Emma responded, an eyebrow rising in disbelief at Regina’s audacity to just control everyone and everything around her. Her patience, it seemed, wasn’t very present this early in the morning either. “Newsflash, Regina; I’ve liked you for a hell of a long time, and you telling me to just ‘get over it’ isn’t going to make what I feel go away, and it _damn_ sure isn’t going to do the same for you either. If you really didn’t want this, then you wouldn’t have kissed me in the first place!”

“It was an error in judgment!” Regina shot back, feeling her cheeks color in irritation. She really wasn’t fond of that little fact, as it probably proved Emma’s point. “It was a temporary lapse of sanity, and that certainly doesn’t mean that I will allow it to happen aga—”

Regina’s words were lost to her as a fierce kiss silenced her protests, Emma’s hands grasping onto her cheeks as she poured out all of her emotional frustration into Regina’s parting lips. First thing in the morning, it seemed, was not a good time to expect Emma to be rational. And unfortunately, it didn’t seem to elicit a sense of rationality in Regina either, because the moment Emma’s lips were on hers, she forgot what the hell she was even saying in the first place.

Emma’s breath hitched as Regina’s body reacted on instinct. Pressing the blonde more firmly against the counter, Regina’s fingers grasped desperately for the hem of Emma’s tank top, as though the tighter she held on, the firmer her grip on reality would become. But reality was lost as Emma’s tongue slipped against hers, fingernails scraping at the nape of Regina’s neck as she pushed her hips against the thigh that had slipped between her legs.

A breathy moan escaped Regina’s parted lips as Emma kissed her cheek, her jaw, before covering the tender skin beneath her ear with an eager tongue. Regina’s nails pierced through the fabric of Emma’s tank top, causing the woman against her to shudder before lightly nipping at her neck. “I like you, Regina,” Emma breathed, her lips dragging agonizingly slowly across her skin with each word. “And you like me. It’s that simple.”

Regina forced herself to open her eyes, her breathing uneven as she tried, desperately, to remember reason. “Emma, stop it—”

“Why?” Emma countered breathlessly, ceasing her actions at Regina’s request, yet still dropping her hand to firmly clasp her fingers around the brunette’s wrist, not wanting her to run away again. “I’m pretty sure I just proved it.”

“That doesn’t—” Regina tried, but frustration boiled over at Emma having successfully weakened her once again, and she brutally ripped her wrist from the other woman’s grasp as she backed away from her. “That doesn’t _matter!_ Just because we may have feelings for each other, doesn’t mean it’s a smart idea to pursue them! If anything, it only furthers why we _shouldn’t!_ ”

“Right, because it’s only smart to pursue a relationship when you _don’t_ like the other person,” Emma deadpanned. “How could I have been so stupid? Maybe I should just stand back and wait for you to hit on my mother, since she seems to be your match made in heaven.”

Regina shot her a glare, her breathing still slightly uneven as she tried to rectify her frazzled appearance by running her fingers through her tussled hair. “Your sarcasm isn’t appreciated, Miss Swan.”

“Neither is the staggering amount of absolute _bullshit_ falling from your mouth, yet you don’t hear me complaining.”

“It is _not—!_ ”

“You basically just said that because we actually have feelings for each other, we shouldn’t be together. You _do_ realize that makes absolutely no sense, right?” Emma interrupted, looking at her incredulously. “Jesus, I don’t know why you’re getting so upset about this. Most people are _happy_ when they find out their feelings are returned, yet you’re making it sound like the freaking apocalypse.”

“Well I’m not most people,” Regina snapped impatiently, not really having a better excuse than that. She didn’t want to tell Emma she was scared that it was going to ruin everything between them. Regina was happy with what they had, and yes, it would be preferable to have that and more, but if it didn’t work out, then they would lose everything.

And Regina, she… she didn’t want to lose Emma.

“Yeah, I know,” Emma said softly, her eyes raking over the other woman’s form before finally resting on the mask that she so diligently wore. “Because if you were, I wouldn’t be so fucking head over heels for your stubborn ass.”

A knot formed in Regina’s stomach at those words and she turned away from her, beginning to pace in order to repress the urge to just launch herself at Emma and pave the inevitable way their broken hearts. “Why do you have to say things like that?” Regina demanded, though she didn’t sound as angry as she wished she did. Her voice hitched, breaking the words in two as she avoided eye contact. “Why can’t you just accept that we’ll never be together?”

Emma watched her pace, worrying her bottom lip for a moment as she hesitated to answer. Although when it finally came, Regina found that she wished it never had at all, because it only made it that much more difficult to walk away. “Because,” Emma began softly, even a tad self-consciously, “I think that… if there’s anyone in this world worth fighting for, Regina, it’s… it’s you.”

Emma’s words were heavy and unexpected, and they caused Regina’s throat to constrict painfully as she rounded on her, blame masking her face as she tried to suppress the emotion that it had elicited in her. Furious with her for saying such a thing, for making this even damn _harder_ on the both of them, Regina’s hands collided with Emma’s chest, forcefully shoving her back up against the counter.

“Fuck you,” she choked out, hating how overwhelmed she felt by all of this. It pushed and it pulled her apart, gravitating her to the one thing she should be smart enough to resist. Yet instead of fighting against it, Regina moved without thought, brutally colliding her lips with Emma’s before she could take a second to think better of it. 

Regina was just so _angry_ at how effortlessly Emma drew emotion from her; frustrated over the fact that all it did was prove her own weakness, and absolutely _furious_ that, in that moment, none of that even mattered, because when Emma touched her, everything else seemed so goddamn irrelevant. 

“Fuck _you,_ ” Emma countered between bruising kisses, taking control of the situation as she began to back Regina up towards the couch. “Fuck you for making me feel this way, fuck you for pretending it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t,” Regina struggled to get out, the words nearly being lost in a needy whimper as Emma’s teeth scraped against her jugular. Her fingers grasped for Emma’s tank top as suddenly her knees hit the edge of the couch, bringing the other woman down on top of her as she tumbled backwards. 

“Right,” Emma responded breathlessly, situating herself above Regina as she clamped down on her wrists, pinning them above the brunette’s head. “Keep telling yourself that while we dry hump on this couch, won’t you?”

Indignant about being mocked, Regina’s face etched in fury once more as she tried to push Emma off of her. “How _dare—!_ ” But the rest of the words failed her as Emma bit down on the tender flesh beneath her ear, causing Regina’s body to jerk in pleasure as her legs fell apart, her skirt bunching around her hips to allow Emma’s thigh passageway. The blonde pressed firmly against her center, and the sound that came from the back of Regina’s throat was almost embarrassing. Yet it only seemed to spur Emma on as their lips came together, the Savior allowing Regina to swallow her own breathy sound of approval as she rocked against her harder.

Regina forgot how to think, let alone speak. Her eyes fell closed and her nails dug into her palm, finding something so terribly frustrating, yet intensely erotic about her limited mobility. It gave Regina just enough room to fight against her, pressing her body further into Emma’s in protest before the woman ultimately subdued her, taking the control that Regina was ashamed to find she never really had at all. In all honesty, she didn’t know what she was doing anymore, just that the very last thing she wanted to do was stop. And if Regina had the control, if Emma allowed her to take it, then she would be forced to make this insanity stop, instead of letting herself fall into it headfirst against her better judgment.

So she fought, but not hard. Regina pretended she wanted the control, but in the end, never wanted to touch it. And although she wished Emma didn’t, she was sure the blonde knew exactly what she was doing.

“If you want me to stop, I will,” Emma breathed against her lips, her smirk feeling heavy against Regina’s skin, pushing her, taunting her towards a truth she wanted desperately to ignore. Regina merely growled, pushing her hips further into Emma’s thigh, allowing a breathy moan to escape her lips at the friction it provided her against her dampening panties.

Emma chuckled low in her throat. “That wasn’t an answer.”

“Then you’re not getting one,” Regina snapped, refusing to lose the game the other woman wanted to play. She was not about to admit that this was what she wanted, as it would be hard to run away from it when this was all said and done. She would indulge this moment because Emma made her weak, and if this was the only one she could have, then she wanted to take it, but Regina would _not_ confirm her overwhelming desire for it, for it meant that she would be unable to dismiss her feelings when it mattered most.

“Fine,” Emma responded, the smirk still gracing her features as she leaned down, pressing her lips to Regina’s ear as she whispered, “But just so you know, I can feel how wet you are.” 

Regina felt herself flush at those words, furious that her wanton body betrayed her desire to seem rather indifferent to it all, but before she could speak a word of indignant protest, Emma centered her weight and pushed firmly against the brunette’s clitoris with her knee. Regina’s eyes fell closed, a needy whimper escaping her throat as the feeling spread through every inch of her body, making her pant and writhe beneath her.

“And you know what? It’s easily the hottest thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life,” Emma continued, the words being purred into Regina’s ear in such a way that it made sanity and self-control a distant memory. “Because it’s _you,_ Regina.”

Jesus. She was done for.

“Emma,” Regina pleaded against her skin, her lips finding the blonde’s shoulder, her neck, her jaw as her hips craned for more contact, unable to remember why the hell she didn’t want this in the first place. Now, all she wanted was for Emma to take her like some cheap date on the woman’s ratty couch and, fuck, this wasn’t supposed to happen at all.

“You have to say it,” Emma panted, her pupils dark with lust as her grip tightened on Regina’s wrists almost painfully, trying to control herself to at least some degree. She needed verbal permission. “Fuck, Regina, you have to… I _can’t_ unless you tell me you want it. I won’t—I don’t wanna fuck this up…”

_No, no, no._ Control, she didn’t—Regina didn’t want it. She couldn’t handle it. But Emma needed her to make the decision, and while Regina knew, given the circumstances, that she should, at the end of the day, she just didn’t know _how._

There was a part of her that so desperately wanted to tell Emma yes, to just do it because _Christ_ she wanted it, but when she went to say it, the words choked up in her throat. That was a door that, once opened, could never be closed. And that… that frightened Regina more than anything else.

But in the end, it seemed she didn’t have to be the one to make that decision, because someone else did for them.

A heavy pounding on the front door startled them both senseless, and Emma flew off of Regina like she had been burned. Unfortunately, in her haste to resituate herself she managed to trip over the small area rug, causing her to lose her balance and fall to a heap on the hard wooden floor. “God _damnit,_ ” Emma swore underneath her breath as she picked herself up off the ground, wincing in pain as the impatient knocking on the front door continued.

But it seemed Emma wasn’t getting there fast enough, as the pounding was replaced by the distinct sound of keys jingling in the lock. Regina forgot how to breathe as she rushed to make herself look presentable, not knowing who all had a key to Emma’s apartment, but certain that she didn’t want _any_ of them to know what had nearly transpired between them.

“Emma, I’m gonna be late for school and I can’t find my stupid history book, did I leave it—?” Henry began as he finally got the door open, barging right into the apartment without an invitation. But the words died in his throat as he took sight of a breathless Emma and a flustered Regina, and a horrified look washed over his features immediately.

Henry didn’t even hesitate to turn on his heel as he headed back towards the door. “Fuck. Nevermind. I think I hear my innocence dying.” 

“Language!” Regina reprehended harshly, as it was the only thing she could think to say in this entirely mortifying situation. Christ, out of everyone that could have walked in, of course it had to be _Henry_ , because that’s just how her luck was these days.

“ _Traumatized!_ ” Henry shot back as he practically bolted from the apartment, slamming the front door behind him in his haste to get away from that childhood-shattering moment as fast as humanly possible.

It seemed that advocating for their relationship and _witnessing_ it were two very, _very_ different things.

“Shit,” Emma murmured, at least having the decency to look just as embarrassed as Regina as she ran her hand through her tussled hair. “The therapy bill for this is gonna suck, isn’t it?”

Regina’s gaze snapped towards her, eyes darkening dangerously as she quickly allowed her mortification to lay waste to a far easier emotion: blame. “ _You,_ ” she accused lowly, rising from the couch as she pointed furiously at her. “This is _exactly_ why I said we shouldn’t do this! This is your fault!”

“Hey, whoa,” Emma deflected, holding up her hands in surrender. “Don’t fucking put this on me. You kissed me first, Regina, _again._ And you know what? Pretty sure every parent in _existence_ has to deal with shit like this. We’ll just—I don’t know, live and learn and use the bedroom next time or _whatever_ , okay? Just calm down.”

“We just traumatized our child, and you want me to _calm down?!”_

“We had clothes on; he’ll live,” Emma tried, looking really overwhelmed by how quickly everything had changed between them, and just over the course of the last a half hour. One step forwards, two steps back. Over and over again, it seemed. “Come on, he was just being dramatic. He’s a _teenager_ , Regina; that’s like, his job. No kid wants to know that their parents aren’t completely sexless beings, but we all find out at some time and learn to deal. Besides, didn’t you say he _wanted_ us together?”

“That’s not the _point!_ ” Regina shouted, completely incapable of dealing with this right now. Things between she and Emma were hard enough, and to have Henry aware that their relationship had changed only put more pressure on a situation that she, desperately, did not want. “This, all of this, it’s completely—it’s too _much,_ Emma! It will go wrong – it’s _already_ gone wrong – and if we continue it’s only going to get worse. I won’t stand back and watch our family fall to pieces. I _can’t!_ ”

“Regina, I…” Emma tried softly, her brow crinkling in confusion as she watched Regina become completely unraveled. She reached for her hand, trying to calm her, despite not understanding why Regina was so terrified about all of this. Still, Emma’s first instinct was to try to comfort her, and that… that was just…

God, she couldn’t handle this.

“Don’t touch me!” Regina snapped, furiously pulling her hand away from her. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to explain. She probably couldn’t even if she wanted to. Expressing her fears was not something she was good at. “This is _over_ , Emma. Please just accept that.”

“Regina!” Emma called out, the desperation in her tone nearly making Regina stop in her haste to get to the door. In the end though, it was the hand on her wrist that stilled her.

“I said let _go!_ ”

But she didn’t. Instead Emma just looked at her, her eyes expressing far more emotion than any one person should be allowed to have. It cut into Regina like a knife, slicing her insides to nothing as she felt as though she were falling apart. 

Regina couldn’t have someone look at her in that way. Especially not her, especially not _Emma._ She was… damnit, she was so goddamn perfect that it killed her, because perfection didn’t exist in Regina’s life. There was only destruction.

Emma didn’t deserve that. 

She didn’t deserve this. 

She didn’t deserve _her._

“I’m never going to stop trying,” Emma told her, voice hitching in her throat despite how firm she wanted to sound. And those words, God, they shattered Regina’s heart just a little further. “We belong together, Regina. You fucking _know_ we do.”

_Stop it. Please stop._

“No,” Regina responded, her own voice breaking at the lie she insisted on telling. But in the end, Regina didn’t want to lose her, couldn’t bear the thought of it, and this… this was the only way to make sure that she didn’t. “No, Emma, we don’t.”

**TBC…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES THEY DO. Goddamn Adam and Eddy, I swear to Christ. Yesterday was _not_ fun :/


	3. Bargaining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so here’s the deal. I _might_ have renewed my subscription to SWTOR and it might currently be taking over my life. Maybe. Possibly. Anyway, as such, I have yet to write the next chapter of this. And while normally a week is more than enough time to write one, I am going to bartending school all next week, so I won’t have much free time. Apparently they’re gonna make me a ‘master bartender’ in a week, lol. We’ll see. For how much money I’m paying them, they better :P Anyway, point is, I’m gonna have to skip next week, and have part four for you two weeks from now. And for those of you reading Transgressions, don’t worry, that’s still going to be updated weekly, since I’m still a couple chapters ahead.

**PART III  
Bargaining**

“Wow. _Overkill._ ”

Regina looked up from her desk to see Henry standing in the threshold, a slight pink hue beginning to tinge her cheeks as she watched her son’s eyebrow rise at the ridiculous amount of bouquets that were scattered around her office. It seemed Emma wasn’t bluffing when she said that she wasn’t going to stop trying, and despite how flattering it felt to be courted in such a way, it seemed that the more Regina smiled, the more afraid she became that this foolishness would amount to something emotionally devastating.

“Why aren’t you in school?” Regina asked, probably more sharply than she had intended due to her embarrassment at her son bearing witness to her disaster of a love life. 

She truly had no idea how to handle this any longer. It had barely been a week, and yet it seemed that the more Emma pushed, the weaker Regina’s resolve became. She hadn’t even threatened Emma with a restraining order today because she had been too busy taking care of her little gifts. It was completely unacceptable, and yet Regina had no idea how to stop it. Emma just didn’t _listen,_ and it was difficult to push away someone so goddamn stubborn.

“Half day, remember?” Henry answered, flopping down on the seat opposite of Regina’s desk before sliding over a takeout bag from Granny’s. “I thought I’d bring you lunch; cause, you know, I’m basically the world’s greatest son.”

Regina raised an eyebrow at the food, before her disbelieving gaze settled on the boy across from her. “You mean you came here to bribe me,” she corrected. “I assume about gaining access to the car, as that seems to be your favorite topic to argue about these days.”

“Hey,” Henry shot back, feigning offense. “I’m hurt that you would assume that I brought this out of anything other than love. _Hurt._ ”

“I’m sure, dear,” Regina responded, reaching for the bag before pulling out her salad. Despite being skeptical of her son’s supposed selfless intentions, she was appreciative of the food. “So you won’t be asking me for anything then…?”

Henry fidgeted in his seat, hesitating for a moment; probably debating whether or not to lie. “Well…”

The truth it was then. Honestly, Regina didn’t know why he even bothered pretending anymore; she could see right through him.

“Okay so, uh… just hear me out for a second. I know I don’t exactly have my license yet, and that I’m supposed to only drive with you or Emma in the car, but—”

Regina didn’t even bother letting him finish his sentence as she stabbed at her salad with her fork. “No.”

“What? _Why?_ ” Henry fumed, looking at his mother incredulously as she placed the fork between her lips, seemingly without a care in the world about shutting him down so quickly. “You didn’t even let me explain what it’s for; that’s not fair!”

“You know the rules, Henry. Until you get your license, you are not allowed to drive without a chaperone.”

“But I can’t take my parents on a _date,_ that’s—nobody does that, Mom!” Henry exclaimed, looking horrified by the prospect. Regina, however, found herself horrified for another reason entirely, and she nearly dropped her fork in surprise.

“You have a—?” Regina stuttered, looking akin to a deer in headlights as she blinked at Henry, trying to process that information. A date? Dear lord, wasn’t he too young for something like that? _She_ could barely handle the concept of dating, how on earth could her teenage son? “With _whom?_ ”

Henry flushed, averting his gaze. “Nobody. Her name’s not important,” he mumbled. He scrunched up his face in annoyance for a moment before quickly brushing past the subject. “Come on, you owe me. You and Emma nearly gave me an aneurism the other day; do my delicate sensibilities mean _nothing_ to you?”

Regina rolled her eyes at that, trying to mask how mortified she felt over the broach of _that_ subject. “I am sorry to inform you of this, dear, as you seemed to be relying on it, but your ‘delicate sensibilities’ are no longer at risk; therefore you are without the leverage of my parental embarrassment. Without that, I certainly do not _owe_ you anything. You will abide by the rules, because you agreed to them when we began teaching you to drive; end of discussion.”

Henry blinked, clearly perplexed about the ‘risk factor’ becoming nonexistent more than anything else at the moment. “Wait, _why?_ ” he asked, looking at her like she had gone insane. “I thought you were all in love with her or whatever. And you guys were…” Henry hesitated, looking as though he was trying to fight the urge to blanch as he searched for the right word to describe whatever assumption he had when he walked in on them. “…Getting somewhere.”

Regina tensed her jaw, trying not to flush at her son’s assessment of her feelings. “I am _not_ in love with your birthmother. And not that it’s any of your business, but that day was a… mistake. It will not be happening again.”

“Does Emma know that?” Henry asked her pointedly, his eyes landing on the abundance of flowers once more. “Cause, uh… kind of seems like she doesn’t.”

“I’ve made myself perfectly clear,” Regina defended, as she didn’t want Henry to believe that she was _leading Emma on,_ or something equally as horrible. She was certain he wouldn’t be too pleased about that. “It is hardly my fault that Miss Swan has the comprehension skills of a fifth grader.”

“Or that you have the emotional maturity of one,” Henry grumbled underneath his breath. Regina’s eyebrows rose, offense coloring her face.

“ _Excuse_ me?”

Henry looked a little panicked that Regina had actually heard him, as he did say it low enough that it was barely audible, but that reaction quickly gave way to confidence as he straightened up a little more in his chair. He, apparently, wasn’t going to just let this topic fade into nothing without having his say first.

“Look, don’t… _ground_ me for this, but I think you’re kind of being dumb about this whole Emma thing,” Henry told her, fidgeting a little, as though he expected to be yelled at for his opinion. Which, certainly, was what Regina was intending, but Henry kept talking, not allowing her to interrupt him until he was finished. “I mean, how many people have tried this hard to get your attention? Because I’m pretty sure the answer’s ‘no one’. And you’re basically harboring an all-consuming love for her, so really, the only reason you’re not dating her is because you feel this weird need to make yourself miserable. And that’s just _stupid,_ Mom. You deserve to be happy too.”

No, she really didn’t. Her search for happiness had always caused her loved ones misery, and that was not something she wished to inflict upon Emma or her son. 

Still, Henry’s words struck a chord of truth in her that twisted Regina’s insides with guilt and shame. She felt so utterly exposed, a feat that usually only came about in Emma’s presence. But it seemed even the mere topic of the woman elicited vulnerability in her, and it was becoming harder and harder to access the walls meant to shield her from things like this.

Regina was unsure of what to say in response, so the only thing that passed through her lips was, “I thought I asked you to stop shrinking me. I would appreciate it if you abided by my wishes.”

“I’m not shrinking you,” Henry told her seriously. “I’ve just lived with you my whole life.” 

Regina’s throat tightened and she averted her gaze, beginning to pick at her salad instead. She didn’t have an excuse to give him for her actions, as she felt uncomfortable opening up about her fears to her son; or anyone, for that matter. They were private, and until she understood them herself, she couldn’t even begin to explain them to another person anyhow. Still, she didn’t want to just dismiss him like he was nothing but a silly child with silly theories, because the fact was, he was right. And Regina learned a long time ago not to make him feel crazy for believing in something that was utterly true.

Henry seemed to notice her discomfort however, and saved her from the conversation. She had gotten his point anyhow. “Speaking of shrinking though,” he continued, “Dr. Hopper said that I could intern at his office this summer, if I wanted. It’ll just be like, book keeping or whatever, but I think it’ll look good on a college application. And it’s in the field I’m interested in, so, there’s that too.”

“That… sounds like a great idea, honey,” Regina managed, still idly picking at her salad without yet bringing any of it to her lips. She was more moving the lettuce around than anything else at this point, still consumed with her own plaguing thoughts.

Silence enveloped the room.

“Mom?”

Regina looked up at him.

“Just go on a date with her. Seriously. If you don’t, you both are just gonna end up brooding and that’s gonna make living with you guys really uncomfortable.” Henry shot her a small smirk, trying to make light of it, but the gesture was only met with a long sigh.

“It worries me that you’re so invested in this.”

“Why? Because kids shouldn’t want to see their parents happy?” Henry countered. “Emma makes you really happy, Mom. And you can lie about that all you want, but I know that if she didn’t, then you wouldn’t be running from her.”

Regina raised an irritated eyebrow at him and Henry shrugged carelessly.

“Okay, so _that_ was shrinking you,” he admitted. “Whatever. I’m still right. And, you know, considering that once you realize that you’re probably going to thank me, can I just request that your gratitude be in the form of the car Friday night?”

Regina side-glanced him, disapproval coloring her features. “I do not appreciate you trying to manipulate me. Is _this_ what this entire conversation has been about?”

“No! I— _ugh,_ ” Henry huffed, beginning to look frustrated. “That was two separate conversations and I just… damnit, I just want the _car,_ Mom! Come on, this is really important! I’m trying to make an impression, here!”

“I said no.”

“You are being totally unfair!” Henry exclaimed, practically stomping as he rose from his chair. “How would you like it if I ruined _your_ first date, whenever you manage to actually go on one? Because I could make it my mission, you know.”

“I hardly think I’m ruining anything, Henry. I didn’t say that you couldn’t see this girl, just that you aren’t allowed to take the car,” Regina responded firmly. “And don’t try to blackmail me, dear, it’s terribly unbecoming.”

“Whatever,” Henry grumbled, storming out of the office in a huff. “I should have just asked Emma; at least _she’s_ not bitter when it comes to people’s love lives.”

[x]

“To forewarn you, Henry will most likely be going behind my back and asking your permission to drive your car Friday night. I’m requesting that you decline, despite how insistent he may be. I don’t want him believing that if he can’t get what he wants from one of us, he can go to the other.”

Regina’s phone beeped a few minutes later, indicating an arriving text. Putting down her glass of wine, Regina picked up her cell, her heart beating a little faster in her chest for no conceivable reason as she read Emma’s response.

“Surprised your first text of the day wasn’t another threat to file a restraining order. Am I starting to get to you, Regina?” The message was followed by a little winking face, and Regina puffed out a small, impatient breath of air, trying to suppress the smirk that threatened to break out across her face. The woman was so terribly irritating sometimes.

Unfortunately, that seemed to be something that Regina was beginning to enjoy.

“Stay on topic. Will you tell Henry no if asks?”

The seconds ticked by and Regina’s fingers drummed impatiently on her wine glass.

The phone beeped again. “Come on, you know I will. But can you blame me for trying to see if I’ve weakened your resolve any? I’m trying here. And you know, if you don’t say yes soon, I’m probably gonna deplete my bank account sending you flowers every day, and then what are we gonna be stuck doing for our first date? Getting hotdogs from some shady vendor in the park. I _know_ you don’t want that, so it’s probably in your best interest to cave now.”

This message was followed by a smiley with a tongue and, try as she might to find the whole thing utterly childish and annoying, that damned smirk finally did make its way across her features. Chewing on her bottom lip for a moment, Regina typed back a response.

“What makes you so certain that I’ll eventually cave to your incessant stalking?”

“You mean my charm?” Emma wrote back after a moment, which made Regina chuckle under her breath despite herself. “Cause I’m pretty sure you’ve imagined me naked more than once. And I’m also sure that after you just read that you rolled your eyes, cause you don’t wanna even admit to yourself that I amuse you. But I do, and I always want to, because sometimes when you let yourself feel it you actually allow yourself to smile, and to me, that’s the most beautiful thing in the world. And if you don’t believe me you can just look in a mirror, because I’m pretty sure you are right now.”

Regina felt her breath leave her, her stomach forming tight knots as every word of that rang true. But just as she tried to formulate a response, a second text came in. “ _That’s_ why, Regina; because I know you. Because I care to know you, and always will.”

Her smile didn’t fade. It couldn’t, not after that. And God, it was such a terrible idea in the long run, but in that moment, Regina believed Emma had earned a reprieve from her incessant standoffish behavior. The rest of the wine in her glass was consumed in a large gulp before Regina finally answered her, having come to a decision.

“One date,” she responded. “Just one. I believe you’ve earned that, however it doesn’t change my opinion about pursuing this relationship, so if you would like to spend an evening with me, it does come with a condition.”

There was barely a few seconds hesitation before Emma replied back with, “Name it.”

Pursing her lips, Regina typed out her response. “You must stop trying to court me, Miss Swan. One night is the only thing I can offer you, and although I know it’s not preferable for you, I do hope you consider it.”

Regina second guessed pressing send, as her final sentence probably said far more than she should have, but in the end, she felt as though she had to be honest. She was certain a date would make pushing Emma away even harder, but if she could indulge just once before she allowed rationality and sense to take over, then she would. She would be a fool not to.

Emma’s response was both quick and overly confident. “One date is all I need, Regina.”

For both of their sake’s, Regina hoped not.

[x]

“So you’re going on a date tonight, huh?”

Regina nearly jumped out of her skin at the unexpected voice behind her, an embarrassingly high-pitched sound of surprise falling from her lips as she accidently ran her lipstick clear across her right cheek. Henry sniggered as Regina’s eyes flashed, her hand coming down hard to slam the tube against the hard wood of her vanity. 

“Nice look.”

“I thought you were at Emma’s for the night!” Regina exclaimed, looking at her son’s smirking reflection in the mirror as she got a tissue to wipe off the excess lipstick from her cheek.

“I was,” Henry confirmed, leaning against the threshold of the doorway. “But then Emma couldn’t get ahold of Ruby so she started frantically throwing clothes all around her bedroom, asking _me_ for fashion advice and that was… well, _weird,_ so I had Grams pick me up. I’m gonna stay over their place tonight, so I don’t end up getting in the way of your guys’ date. Pretty nice of me, _I’d_ say…”

“You’re still not getting the car tomorrow,” Regina told him, seeing right through his little act of selflessness. Henry scowled.

“But—!”

He didn’t have time to protest though, because Regina’s eyes went wide as she processed the rest of the information. She whipped around so fast she nearly tripped over her heels as she asked, “Wait, is your Grandmother _here?_ ”

Henry’s brow creased at how panicked his mother looked as he answered, “Uh, yeah. She’s waiting for me in the car. She said that she and Gramps would help with my science project tonight, so I just told her I needed to run in and get my stuff for it.”

“You didn’t tell her _why_ you wanted to stay over their house tonight, did you?”

“No, I— _oh,_ ” Henry realized finally, smirking. “You think Grams is gonna go off on you about dating Emma, aren’t you?”

“I am going on _a_ date, not _dating_ her, Henry,” Regina corrected. “Singular. I simply believe that Miss Swan’s persistence should merit result, but this is only for one night. And as such, I wouldn’t want this to create needless drama, do you understand? If Snow finds out, she’ll no doubt believe I have…” Regina’s lips turned up into a sneer, “ _ulterior motives_ , or some other such nonsense. Getting into an argument over one night isn’t worth it, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention it to her.”

Henry didn’t even bother hiding his eye roll. “One date. Right, you keep telling yourself that, Mom. Meanwhile, the rest of us here in _reality_ don’t plan to ruin this for you, so relax, I’m not gonna tell Grams. Besides, I’m pretty sure that’s Emma’s job; she’s _her_ mom.”

“Yes, well, sometimes children don’t wish to tell their parents who they’re dating,” Regina responded pointedly, cocking her head at him as she raised an eyebrow. Henry flushed.

“Uh, yeah… I gotta go. Probably been up here too long already.”

Regina smirked at her son’s flustered behavior as she watched him go. “Of course, dear.”

[x]

“I thought you wanted to take me dancing,” Regina mentioned as they climbed a small hill near the far east side of town. Her voice held a hint of surprise as she finished, speaking Emma’s declaration back to her, “Or to ‘hold my hand at dinner’.”

“I didn’t specify that a restaurant had to be involved for the last one,” Emma countered with a small smile, side glancing Regina as they reached the top of the hill. She shrugged a little as she set down the picnic basket, which must have belonged to Snow, because Regina would put good money down on the assumption that Emma would never own anything like that. “I don’t know, I just… I figure, if this really is going to be the only date I ever have with you, then I’d rather just have you all to myself… you know?”

Emma’s smile was tentative and shy, and Regina had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from outwardly reacting to the flutters that had made their appearance in the pit of her stomach. “Yes, dear. That’s…” Regina hesitated for a moment, but decided a little honesty might not hurt as she affirmed softly, “I prefer it this way, to be quite honest.”

Emma began spreading out the blanket as she asked, a hint of a tease to her voice, “Don’t want to be seen in public with me?”

Regina blinked. “No, I… that’s certainly _not_ —”

“I know,” Emma responded, chuckling a little underneath her breath as she spread out the creases of the fabric against the grass. “Relax, I was just joking.” She nodded her head towards Regina, encouraging her over. “Come on, sit down with me; I have food. And from what I _hear,_ a way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach.”

Regina lightly rolled her eyes at that, but crossed the space between them to sit next to her. “I believe the saying is a way to a _man’s_ heart is through his stomach, dear.”

Emma smirked, opening up the picnic basket. “Not when the woman is you, and the food is lasagna,” she countered, revealing Regina’s favorite dish. The brunette quirked an eyebrow, impressed.

“You cooked?” Regina was expecting sandwiches, or something a little simpler. Emma however, just snorted at the question.

“And risk poisoning you? Yeah right. I picked it up from Granny’s right before I got you. There’s salad and rolls in here too, if you want any.” She handed Regina a plate, and the brunette smiled lightly at her.

“I would, thank you.”

After the food was distributed between the two women, Regina allowed herself a moment to look at the scenery. It was nearing sunset, Regina’s favorite part of the day, and the sky was beginning to turn from blue to a soft orange and yellow. Looking down the hill to the outskirts of Storybrooke, Regina found herself smiling as she recognized what was below.

“The stables.”

“Hm?” Emma asked, her mouth full of food as she looked up at Regina with a perplexed expression on her face. But after she swallowed she seemed to catch up to what Regina was talking about, and nodded. “Oh, yeah. Well… I know it’s your favorite place, but it’s kind of late to ride and, uh… well, I didn’t really wanna have a picnic on a field that probably has horse dung on it, so I… I don’t know, I thought here might be nice.”

Regina chewed her bottom lip for a moment, trying to stop herself from revealing too much of what Emma’s date choices made her feel. “So you’ve chosen to have a picnic with my favorite meal, overlooking my favorite spot, at my favorite time of day?” The smile peeked out despite her efforts then, but it was returned to her tenfold.

“I listen,” was all Emma told her in response, before digging into her food again in an attempt to downplay the slight blush that appeared on her cheeks.

Regina’s smile didn’t fade as she looked at her… at her friend, and affirmed quietly, “That you do, dear.”

[x]

After dinner, the two women had lain next to each other on the blanket, looking up at the sky as the sun started to descend in the distance.

If Regina was being honest with herself, she was already quite pleased with the evening Emma had planned for her. The seclusion allotted her a sense of comfort that would probably not have been present should they have found themselves in a public place. The less people who knew about this date, the easier it would be for Regina to just allow it to be what it was; a one-time indulgence. And as Regina realized that she very much wanted to indulge, especially after how sweet it was that Emma‘s theme of the evening seemed to be ‘favorites’, she hesitantly allowed her pinky finger to brush lightly over the side of Emma’s hand, trying to give the woman a signal that she herself didn’t really have the nerve to do first.

It only took a few seconds and then Emma’s fingers were tangling in hers, her grip loose, yet possessive. “So,” Emma began softly, her throat seeming a little tight with nerves after the blatant display of affection. She probably believed she misread Regina’s signal, and was mentally preparing for the brunette to run. Which, incidentally, was probably why she broached a neutral topic as she continued, “What’s Henry’s deal about the car? He usually doesn’t push this hard.”

“He didn’t tell you?” Regina asked, surprised. Yet when she thought about it, she realized she probably shouldn’t have been. Henry seemed to be regretting telling Regina about it in the first place, so he probably avoided specifics with Emma for the same reason. “He has a date.”

“ _What?_ ” Emma asked, her eyes wide as she turned on her side, propping herself up on her elbow as she looked down at Regina. “You’re serious? With _who?_ ”

“I don’t know,” Regina admitted, trying not to notice how beautiful Emma looked when bathed in the light of the sunset. “He wouldn’t tell me. I assume he doesn’t want me embarrassing him.”

Emma chuckled softly. “Yeah, I can see that. You going all ‘Evil Queen’ on this poor girl’s ass and being all ‘what are your intentions with my son’ and scaring her half to death.”

“Please, like you wouldn’t do the same,” Regina scoffed, acutely aware that she was still holding Emma’s hand. Her grip tightened just slightly. “There’s a reason he didn’t tell you too, you know. I assume you would be using your influence as Sherriff to intimidate the poor child as well.”

Emma smirked. “Well, we probably wouldn’t be good parents if we didn’t ruin our kid’s life.” Regina snorted at that, and Emma followed with a laugh. 

It was easier than Regina would have imagined, pretending that for one night, all of her fears didn’t exist. It was like living in a dream almost. However, the thought that come tomorrow morning it would all be over prompted Regina’s heart to tighten in her chest, so she quickly decided not to think about it. She would enjoy tonight for what it was, because it would be foolish to taint something she so desperately found she wanted, yet could never really hold on to.

“You’re beautiful when you smile, you know?” Emma told her softly after a few moments of silence, prompting a smile of her own to peek out in the dimming sunlight.

Regina tried to suppress hers out of mild embarrassment of it being brought to attention, but she didn’t succeed very much. “You’ve already told me that once before, dear.”

“Yeah, well,” Emma shrugged lightly, biting on her lower lip. “I think it bears repeating.”

Regina’s heart began to pound softly in her chest as she tightened her grip on Emma’s hand, moving her arm to guide the woman a little more on top of her. Emma’s breathing hitched lightly in her throat, her eyes searching Regina’s for a moment before a tiny smirk graced her features. “You want me to kiss you,” she accused softly, realizing Regina’s intentions. 

“Oh, I do, do I?” Regina countered quietly, playing coy because Emma didn’t have to _say it out loud._ Still, she made no move to dislodge herself from underneath Emma’s form. “What makes you so sure of that?”

“The way you’re looking at me,” Emma responded, her voice barely above a whisper. “But what I’m wondering,” she continued, bringing their linked hands up to her lips as she kissed Regina gently on each knuckle, “is why,” a second kiss, “you don’t,” a third, “just do it,” a last one, “yourself.” She smirked lightly against Regina’s skin, watching the woman’s chest rise and fall a little shallower. “You had no problem doing it before…”

“If you recall, actually, I did have quite a few problems with it,” Regina countered, yet her voice was quiet and didn’t hold any bite to it. “And perhaps,” she continued, bringing their linked hands up over her head, forcing Emma even further down on top of her, their noses barely touching, “I merely enjoy being the woman in this scenario.”

Emma smirked, her breathing eliciting sparks upon Regina’s plumped lips as she corrected in a soft whisper, “We’re both women, Regina; you just like being _chased._ ” 

Regina’s response was forgotten the moment Emma’s nose bumped lightly against hers as she descended, her lips brushing just barely over the brunette’s waiting mouth. She didn’t push, and so Regina, finding herself out of patience, arced up just slightly, allowing the kiss to deepen. A small sound of contentment left Emma’s lips, tickling Regina’s tongue as she tentatively explored the inside of the blonde’s mouth. She wanted to take it slow because she wanted to remember, she wanted to _memorize_ the feel of Emma’s mouth, the patterns of her uneven breath. 

And perhaps that in and of itself should have been a large warning sign, but Regina merely laid back and ignored it, kissing Emma well into the sun’s final decent over the horizon.

[x]

It was dark by the time they gathered up their things and got back into Emma’s car. It was still rather early however, merely quarter to nine, and so when Emma stopped in front of Regina’s house, the brunette’s eyebrows rose. She was certain the woman had more things planned for her – as they only had one night together after all – but instead Emma just got out of the car, coming around to the passenger side door to let Regina out.

Regina tried to suppress the disappointment that was beginning to burn in the pit of her stomach as she gave Emma a small smile of thanks. They walked side by side to Regina’s doorstep, their fingers just barely making contact with each other after each swing of their arms. Regina waited for Emma to just grab ahold of her hand, but the gesture never came, and suddenly they were on Regina’s porch, about to finish an evening that Regina realized she wasn’t ready to have end just yet.

“So,” Emma began awkwardly, shifting the weight between her feet as she shoved her hands into her pockets. “This was really—”

“Would you like to come in for a drink?” Regina asked before she could stop herself, the words tumbling from her lips without any kind of permission from her brain. “It’s still fairly early, after all.” Emma started at the unexpected offer, but then a wide smile broke out across her face, and suddenly she didn’t seem so tense anymore.

“Yeah,” she responded, her shoulders relaxing. “Yeah, that’d be… yeah.”

Regina returned her smile with one of her own before turning around and letting them both into the manor. She smirked a bit as she heard Emma exhale a loud sigh of relief from behind her; apparently she wanted to be a gentlewoman and not push it, but she also very much didn’t want the night to end either. That made Regina feel a bit better, and after leading Emma into her study, she grabbed her decanter off of the mantle.

“Is bourbon to your liking?” Regina asked as she began to pour herself a glass of the amber liquid. She got no response however, and when Regina turned around in question, her gaze met Emma’s, who seemed to be jolting herself out of some kind of staring match; one that Regina could only assume was being held with her rear end. She smirked.

“You have the rest of your life to stare at my ass, Miss Swan,” she lightly chided her. “But for tonight, I’d appreciate it if you stayed with me. Bourbon?”

Emma blinked, taken aback. “Stayed… what?” she questioned, looking as though she was unsure whether to be ecstatic or absolutely panicked beyond measure.

“With me, dear,” Regina reiterated, looking at Emma strangely. “Present, in the conversation.”

“Oh. The conver— _oh._ ”

It took Regina a moment to realize, but then she understood; Emma had thought she was asking her to stay the night. The blonde was blushing fiercely, probably feeling foolish for ever having thought that was being offered, and she tried to push past it by saying, “Uh, yeah. Bourbon’s fine, thanks,” and grabbing the glass Regina had already poured for herself.

The blonde downed the entire thing in one go, and Regina couldn’t help but chuckle, trying to break the tension. “You should probably pace yourself, dear,” she teased, refilling Emma’s glass before pouring one of her own. “I wouldn’t want you to pass out on my couch preemptively.” 

“Preemptive to what?” Emma asked, seemingly without thought, as her panicked look returned again in an instant.

Although this was hardly a situation that Regina was easily comfortable with, as she couldn’t even remember the last time she had been on a date, her heart lurched for how utterly nervous Emma seemed. Now that the blonde’s planned part of the evening had been successful, and they had moved onto something entirely new and seemingly unprecedented, she seemed very unsure of herself. Emma was no doubt wondering where this would lead, and although Regina found herself wondering the same thing, the blonde seemed to be way overthinking it.

“Emma,” Regina said softly, clasping her hand around the woman’s wrist before sliding her hand down, tangling their fingers together. “Relax.”

A pink hue colored the blonde’s cheeks once more, and Emma averted her gaze. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I just… I don’t want to screw this up.”

“You’re not,” Regina assured her, letting go of Emma’s hand for a moment to touch her chin, coaxing the other woman’s gaze back to her. “I’ve had a wonderful time with you tonight.” That seemed to relax Emma, and she gave her a shy smile, pleased with herself and the outcome of the date she had planned. 

“Come,” Regina encouraged her, guiding her towards the loveseat in the corner of the study. “Drink with me. I wouldn’t want our night to end prematurely because of nerves, would you?”

Emma quickly shook her head no and Regina smiled, because if one night was all they had, then she wanted to spend as much of it with Emma as possible.

[x]

They barely made it up the stairs.

“Fuck, _damnit,_ ” Emma swore painfully as they landed in a heap, Regina’s body falling flat against hers in the small hallway upstairs after the blonde had tripped over the last step. She clung to Regina, her lips still pressed against her skin despite the interruption, and Regina’s ragged breathing made her concerned question crack in her throat.

“Are you… alright?” she tried, attempting to situate herself as best she could despite being in a tangle of limbs. She knew they probably should have stopped kissing to climb the stairs, but it was difficult pulling herself away from the woman as Emma’s hands frantically explored every inch of bare skin they could find. Regina’s mind was already hazy due to the alcohol, and she found that touching Emma was much more inebriating than that as sense and rationality flew out the window, her sanity falling away to nothing in lieu of a more satisfactory experience. 

“Can’t even feel it,” Emma quickly dismissed before gasping loudly into her neck, her fingernails digging into Regina’s back as the brunette’s knee slipped between her thighs. Though Regina was merely trying to find footing to right herself, the pleasure that passed across Emma’s face at the contact wasn’t easily ignored, and Regina found herself crushing her lips against the Sherriff’s once more, swallowing the moan that emitted from the back of Emma’s throat.

Perhaps consummating in the bedroom was overrated anyhow.

Regina knew this was a foolish idea. Sleeping with Emma would only make it that much harder to walk away, and yet when Emma had risen and announced that she should probably call herself a cab, Regina couldn’t bear to see her leave. They had one night together. _One._ And perhaps it was a testament to how utterly moronic this whole thing really was, to hastily defend every little thing that happened tonight with that excuse, because on some level, Regina knew _exactly_ what it meant. She just didn’t want to face it.

And so she excused her own actions, gave herself a ‘justifiable reason’, and then proceeded to drown herself in their inevitable undoing as she pressed Emma up against her regal wallpaper, devouring the blonde’s mouth with her own in an effort to prolong her own brief moment of happiness.

After Regina had carelessly thrown Emma’s shirt onto the floor, her fingernails scraping along taut muscles as the Sherriff’s mouth fell to her neck, nimble fingers ran up the length of Emma’s strong back, teasing the clasp on her bra until it snapped open beneath her ministrations. A sharp inhale of breath followed, causing a reassuring hand to rest gently on the nape of the blonde’s neck; a silent request, a need that could not go unacknowledged. 

“Are you sure?” Emma had asked her breathlessly as Regina pushed the straps from her arm, exposing flesh she couldn’t help but nip and suck at. Emma clung to her, the shallowness of her breath tickling Regina’s ear as she marked the junction of her shoulder.

All Regina responded with was, “Bedroom.”

And so the two women had stumbled towards the stairs, shoes being kicked off in the foyer as their lips connected once more, the task of ridding each other of clothing becoming their most predominant goal. Regina’s dress was half off, the zipper being fought with by an exasperated Emma until Regina chuckled against her skin and assisted her. She had gotten only one arm out of it before they had fallen in the upstairs hallway, and if Regina had cared in that moment, she probably would’ve been appalled by how she looked. 

Her clothes hanging half off, hair mussed, and pantyhose ripped from the fall, she probably looked like a classless prostitute. Emma, however, seemed to find that immensely appealing. Her breathing ragged, Emma clawed her nails up the rest of the thin material covering the brunette’s legs, her fingers snagging on the tears and purposely making them bigger as her lips made a home on the swell of Regina’s right breast.

Regina stifled a moan, burying her head in the crook of Emma’s shoulder. “I expect you to… replace anything you damage, Miss Swan…” she gasped out, giving the woman beneath her a hard time for her blatant eagerness. Emma was practically tearing her clothes off of her.

“I’ll replace your whole fucking wardrobe if it means getting you naked,” Emma breathed against her skin, her fingers working on getting Regina’s dress off over her hips. The brunette chuckled low in her throat, grabbing Emma’s hands in her own to still her actions.

“Bedroom,” she reiterated, because as appealing as just fucking Emma right there on her hallway floor _was_ , if Henry came home unexpectedly, he would be scarred for the rest of his young life.

“Yeah,” Emma panted, her lips parted and chest heaving as she nodded her compliance. “Yeah, okay…”

The second the two women got to their feet, they were embracing again, lips locked in a fierce kiss. Bringing her hands underneath Regina’s ass, Emma made an encouraging sound in the back of her throat and the brunette complied, jumping up slightly to wrap her legs around Emma’s waist. Draping her arms around the Sheriff’s shoulders, Regina’s lips collided with Emma’s once more, which probably was a bad idea given their current position.

Emma stumbled back towards the bedroom, completely unable to see anything, and missed the doorway completely. Regina’s back collided with the wall next to it, the impact pushing the breath from her lungs in surprise.

“Shit, sorry!” Emma apologized, her face beginning to burn beet red at how this was turning out. Regina just laughed though, finding something terribly endearing about the whole situation. It was a mess, it was uncoordinated, but it was _them,_ so in that moment, she really couldn’t find it within herself to care that it wasn’t the kind of sex that rivaled erotic novels, because that wasn’t what was important at all.

“It’s fine, dear,” Regina panted, holding tighter to Emma’s shoulders as she smirked. “It was probably my fault for distracting you. Just… watch where you’re going.”

Eventually, Emma made it to the bed. Spilling Regina down on the duvet, the blonde made quick work of ridding herself of her pants as Regina discarded the rest of her own garments onto the floor. And then Emma was on top of her, tongue delving into the brunette’s eager mouth as they pressed the length of their bodies together. Regina moaned softly, the sound being swallowed by the woman atop her as Emma’s fingers teased her hardened nipples, causing sparks to ignite beneath her skin before they raced towards the apex of her thighs. 

Emma kissed down the length of her body, taking her time as Regina writhed in need beneath her, her lips lingering upon each spot as she explored, memorized, and possessed every inch of her. Regina’s breathing shallowed and her hands fisted the duvet, her hips craning for more contact that was denied her. Emma’s tongue dipped into her bellybutton and the brunette whimpered, feeling rather tortured over the fact that Emma was _so close,_ yet still so far away from where she really needed her.

“Emma,” she pleaded, voice raspy with desire.

“Shh,” Emma hushed her, smirking against olive skin as she nipped at the soft flesh above Regina’s pelvis. The woman’s hips jerked beneath her, knuckles flashing white as her grip on the comforter increased. “I’ll get there, I promise…”

But Regina’s patience had run out, and she wasn’t exactly one to just lie there and be submissive. She sat up quickly, the momentum causing Emma to sit back on her heels in surprise. Firm thighs straddled a slim waist as Regina mounted her, fisting her hands in blonde locks as she demanded, “Fuck me now, make love to me later.” She looked down at the woman beneath her, her bosom heaving as she attempted to seem commanding throughout her obvious desperation. 

Regina _needed_ to be touched. The amount of arousal that had coated her thighs was evidence enough of that, and should Emma just slide her hand southward, she would find herself aware of just how much Regina craved this.

Emma’s eyebrows rose at her choice of words however, which then caused Regina to breathlessly add, “We have all night,” because she didn’t want Emma assuming that it could be anything more than that. That was venturing into dangerous territory filled with pain and heartbreak that Regina so desperately did not want to put her through. Emma meant too much to her to subject her to such things.

Disappointment seemed to cross the Sherriff’s face, but it was gone as soon as it came, Regina’s kiss-swollen lips distracting her from thought as she nipped gently at Emma’s bottom lip, requesting entrance. A slight hesitation followed, but then the inevitable permission was granted as Emma grasped for her hips, pulling Regina impossibly closer to her. The brunette whimpered, her fingers finding the swell of Emma’s breast as she searched out more skin to explore.

Emma’s hands slid further southward, grabbing the firmness of Regina’s ass as she encouraged the woman atop her to grind against her thigh. Regina groaned against Emma’s skin, her mouth having found the woman’s neck, and her fingernails dug crescent marks into the blonde’s back as she pushed her dripping sex harder against Emma’s leg. 

“Fuck,” Emma breathed, feeling Regina against her completely now. “You’re _dripping._ ”

“Then perhaps you should do something about that, dear,” Regina breathed, dragging her lips across Emma’s jawline and up to her ear. The woman squirmed beneath her as she moaned deep and low, the vibrations coursing straight through Emma’s body, causing her grip on Regina’s ass to tighten as she dug her nails straight into her skin.

“You’re so impatient,” Emma told her, her words sounding broken with need before her lips found Regina’s left breast. The sorceress arched her back, letting out a low groan of pleasure as Emma’s tongue flicked against her nipple, her teeth scraping against flushed flesh. 

Panting into the stillness of the room, Regina’s hands tangled in Emma’s hair, bringing her closer as she felt one of the blonde’s hands beginning to roam. And then, Jesus, _finally_ Emma’s fingers were sliding through her slick heat, and Regina’s eyes fell closed as she encouraged her onwards with a whispered plea of the woman’s own name.

Two fingers delved deep inside of her and Regina bit down on her bottom lip, pitching her head forward to rest her forehead against Emma’s. “Make me come,” she pleaded breathlessly. “ _Please,_ Emma…”

Emma exhaled a shuddered breath, her pupils dilating in the unabashed desire that Regina’s begging brought her, before once more colliding their lips together. The kiss was needy, desperate and undecidedly rushed, as Emma began thrusting her fingers inside of her, drawing out pleading moans that were muffled by the blonde’s own mouth. Regina’s fingers dug into Emma’s shoulders as she began grinding her hips against the other woman’s body, giving Emma more room to work as well as intensifying her own pleasure by allowing the momentum to drive the blonde’s fingers deeper within her.

They broke for air and Emma sucked in a hard breath as she was confronted with the sight of Regina mounted and riding her fingers, breasts bouncing with each firm thrust of her hips. “Christ,” she breathed, looking up at Regina as though she was unsure that she was even real. “You’re fucking beautiful, Regina…”

Emma’s fingers twisted, thumb slipping against her engorged clit, and Regina gasped hard, pitching forward as she tangled her fingers into Emma’s curls. “Don’t stop,” she begged, burying her face in Emma’s neck to stifle the rapidly increasing volume of her moans. “Fuck, _please…_ ”

Fingernails scraping against the skin on the nape of the blonde’s neck, Regina squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she put all of her strength into slamming her hips into Emma’s hand. The heat that had begun deep in her abdomen was quickly spreading to every inch of her body, flushing her skin a light crimson as she panted her praises into Emma’s ear. She desperately grappled for the edge she was so very near, squeezing her inner muscles until, finally, a wave of intense pleasure coursed through her body like a crashing wave, causing her to pitch her head back and cry out.

It was the first of many that night. They grasped for one another until dawn, unable to stop touching, stop _feeling_ until their weary bodies forced separation upon them. It was one night, and they had made the best of it. However, as Regina rested her head against Emma’s chest, feeling the Savior wrap her arms protectively around her form, a knot formed tight in the pit of Regina’s stomach, for she found she really didn’t ever want to be let go.

**TBC…**


	4. Depression

**PART IV  
Depression**

Sunlight streamed through the eastern-most window of the master bedroom, bathing Regina’s still form in a blinding warmth that did nothing to ease the demons in her mind. She sat on the edge of her bed, fingers gripping tight to the edge of her mattress as she looked out the window overseeing her apple tree. She still couldn’t find it within herself to move too far away from Emma’s sleeping form, a large part of her afraid that the moment she did it would mark the end of their night together, and the beginning of a reality that Regina found more and more she didn’t want to partake in.

And it haunted her, for the realization that she needed more than just a singular night with Emma was frightening beyond measure. It was something she could not do, yet ached to have all the same. Rationality and emotion conflicted like a raging fire within her, and despite trying to find a compromise that would satisfy both, she continuously came up devoid of result. 

Regina had no idea what to do.

“Hey.” The mattress shifted suddenly and a hand ran down the brunette’s back, a light kiss being placed on her shoulder as Emma sleepily hoisted herself up behind her. Regina did not move, continuing to stare out the far window, trapped in her own thoughts. Emma’s brow creased in concern. “You okay?”

_No._

And yet what came out of her mouth was, “Of course, dear,” as she instinctively tried to hide behind a wall that Emma had already demolished beyond recognition. It was foolish, however admitting the truth seemed like a less-appealing option.

Emma worried her bottom lip for a moment, apprehension coloring her face as it seemed that she too did not know how to approach this situation. She studied Regina’s expression, and the brunette did everything she could not to meet her prying gaze, for she knew that if Emma looked into her eyes, she would understand everything Regina feared voicing aloud. 

Realizing that she couldn’t just sit there all day, Regina let out a resigned breath and moved to stand. “I should put on some coffee,” she tried, and yet the moment she moved, Emma’s hand clasped around her wrist, stilling her movements. When Regina turned in question, she was confronted by this look of pleading desperation that cut right through her heart and left it in shreds.

Emma knew that the moment they left the bed it would all be over, and it was clear that she feared finality just as much as Regina did.

“Regina,” Emma began, her voice still husked from sleep as she looked at her imploringly. “If we… if we only have this once, couldn’t we just…?” But the question didn’t come, Emma suddenly looking terribly frightened over the possibility of rejection.

But it sounded like she had a solution, a compromise, _something,_ and Regina clung to the hope it gave her. “Ask me,” she encouraged, needing something to say yes to. However much she needed this to end, she didn’t want it to. She wanted to live in this fantasy for just a little bit longer.

Emma’s fingers slid from Regina’s wrist to lace their hands together, giving her a moment to gather her courage before she spoke. “I… I mean, if this is just… _once,_ ” she began tentatively, “maybe… maybe we could make it one _day_ , instead of just one night? You know, like… like a full twenty four hour thing, or just—”

Regina didn’t answer her with words. Her knees hit the bed and lips sealed against the blonde’s, the momentum pushing Emma back to lie against the pillows as Regina flattened herself on top of her. _Yes,_ her mind screamed. _Yes._ It was stupid, _God_ was it stupid, but Regina didn’t care. Intelligence in this situation had never made her happy, and that was what Emma gave her, a sense of happiness. And so Regina clung to it, putting off the inevitable for as long as humanly possible, despite knowing that it would only end up being harder that way.

Emma smiled against her lips, nipping gently at succulent flesh as her fingers ran through dark tresses, enjoying the feel of her newfound lover. “That a yes?” she asked, sounding amused by how Regina posed her answer. Lips found the blonde’s neck and Emma arched beneath her, exhaling a small sigh of contentment as she closed her eyes, enjoying the vast difference from the morning scenario that she had expected.

“For a police officer, it seems your deduction skills need a little work,” Regina teased her softly, trailing her fingertips down Emma’s nude form, feeling her skin jump in anticipation beneath her touch. Her teeth found her jugular, and as she bit down softly, Emma exhaled a soft groan.

“I… mmm… just want to hear you say it…”

Regina smirked against her skin, sliding her body downwards as she kissed every bit of exposed flesh she could find. Emma writhed beneath her, her skin beginning to flush a light crimson as her breathing increased, realizing Regina’s intentions weren’t merely an early morning make out session. Fisting her hands in the sheets, Emma exhaled a sharp breath as Regina’s tongue dipped into her bellybutton.

“Believe me, dear,” Regina breathed against her skin, continuing her descent. “You really don’t want me to say anything at all right now…”

The first touch of her lips against Emma’s center made the woman groan low in approval, her eyes falling closed as she spread her legs, welcoming Regina’s invasion. “Fuck,” she breathed, as though part of her couldn’t even believe this was happening. But it was something Regina had ached to do since they first found themselves falling into her bed, however last night Emma barely gave her a moment to breathe, let alone reciprocate. For her five orgasms, Emma only had one, and that did not sit right with Regina at all.

The sorceress took her time exploring her folds with the tip of her tongue, being careful not to apply too much pressure as she desired to tease her first. Emma’s patience didn’t allot slow however, and her hips pushed further towards Regina’s mouth, wanting to feel more of her. The brunette’s hands found her thighs though and she held her down, content with keeping the pace that _she_ desired. Emma groaned in frustration but stopped fighting it, allowing Regina to do as she wished as her hands wrapped around the bedposts in an effort to hold onto self-control.

Regina took her time mapping every inch of Emma’s sex, causing the woman’s body to become more wanton, more insistent, the longer that she was subjected to feather light touches. Self-control went out the window very quickly as Emma began to jerk beneath her, twisting her hips in an attempt to guide Regina’s tongue where she needed it the most, her breathing becoming heavy and more uneven the longer the Mayor teased her. But Regina wouldn’t give in, set on driving Emma to madness just to prologue the satisfaction she got from causing Emma to come so undone.

“Fuck, Regina, _please…_ ” Emma panted after a while, finally nearing the end of her rope when it came to her own dignity. Her cheeks were flushed and her muscles were tight as she held onto the posts of the bed for dear life, looking down at Regina imploringly. 

The brunette smirked. “Please what?” she goaded, nipping at the soft skin just above Emma’s pelvis. The Sherriff twitched beneath her, hips flying off the bed and almost hitting Regina in the face as she moved back. She chuckled at Emma’s desperation, causing the blonde to growl dangerously.

“You know what. I’m fucking dying over here; it’s too early to tease me like this.”

Regina arched an eyebrow at her, fingernails trailing delicately over the insides of Emma’s thighs. “Really now?” she asked, enjoying the look plastered across the blonde’s face as she bit down on her lower lip. “And what time of day would you prefer I tease you, dear? I didn’t know there was an optimum hour for doing so; I had believed it was only preferable whenever one wanted their partner to look like… well, _that._ ” 

Regina smirked at Emma’s flushed, wanton, yet disgruntled expression. “Desperation is _very_ appealing on you, Emma,” she continued, voice dripping of sex and need. “The way you look at me…” Regina’s fingers moved, ghosting up the inside of Emma’s thighs until they reached their destination, becoming coated with arousal within moments of just the faintest of touches. Emma arched and moaned, but the digits were pulled away, coming to rest on Regina’s tongue as she traced each finger slowly, allotting her Emma’s full and undivided attention as the woman’s pupils darkened significantly. “ _That_ is true power.”

“And that’s what you need, isn’t it?” Emma asked her breathlessly, seemingly without thought, as the words were far too heavy for the act they were currently partaking in. Still, Emma’s eyes pierced through her, exposing layers Regina had never meant to unveil to anyone. “Power is control to you.”

Regina’s stomach weighed heavily in her gut at Emma’s assessment, despite it not being completely true. “No,” she responded softly, almost sadly, as she tried to steer the conversation away from something she desperately did not want to elaborate on. Still, as Regina leaned over her, sliding her fingers deep inside Emma as she watched the blonde’s face contort in pleasure, Regina found herself admitting quietly, “I only try to convince myself that it is.”

[x]

_Control._ The concept was almost laughable.

Despite how much power Regina exerted over the woman in her bed, she would never have the control that she so desperately desired. She could tie Emma to the bed posts, set the pace of their love making, or even tell her that it could never happen again, but in the end, it was Emma who called the shots. Regina’s feelings for her made her unable to exert any sense of true dominance, as they caused her to become a slave to her own emotions, trapping her, weakening her. Emma just had to _look_ at her the right way, and Regina’s resolve would fall away to nothing as she gave her that which she craved and more.

Still, Regina tried to hold on to the illusion that she dictated what their relationship could and could not be as she exercised frivolous power that, in the end, meant absolutely nothing at all.

“Regi—I… I _can’t_ …!”

“Shhh,” Regina whispered soothingly in her ear, her fingers slick with arousal as she slid them over Emma’s engorged clitoris. It was just the lightest of touches, but Emma had come so many times before that any sort of real pressure would only stand to hurt her. Sharp nails dug into the skin of Regina’s back, labored breaths being puffed hotly against her skin, as Emma’s hips jerked beneath her ministrations. “You can,” Regina told her softly, her voice tickling Emma’s ear. “And you will.”

It sounded like power, it sounded so very much like _control,_ but it wasn’t; not at all. For if Emma had told her to stop, had truly needed her to back off, Regina would without a moment’s hesitation. Emma may look at her mercy, pinned beneath her, gasping and pleading, but it was she that owned everything that Regina was. The bedroom, in the end, was such a very small part of it all. 

And Regina hated that she knew that. She hated that she had looked down at Emma, watched her beautiful features contort in the pleasure that _she_ was giving her, and realized that she needed to see that for the rest of her life.

She had taken this too far, and now they would both pay dearly for her mistake.

“Regina,” Emma pleaded, holding on for dear life as her fingers fisted in dark hair. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut, hips instinctively reacting to Regina’s ministrations. A light sheen of sweat had budded across her porcelain skin, and her breathing was heavy and uneven as she rode out the pleasure she was being allotted. “ _Regina…!_ ”

The way Emma said her name caused a shiver to roll down the brunette’s spine, the singular word weighing so heavy with the emotion that the woman felt for her. She said it like Regina was the only person, the only _thing_ to exist in her world, and to rob her of that may very well destroy everything that she was. Throughout the happiness, throughout the care and love, lay the fear that Regina had picked up on within a moment, for it was the very same fear that she herself held deep inside.

It pierced through her, resonating in the depths of her mind while her heart tried to fight against the reality of it. Regina didn’t want to hurt her, couldn’t bear to see Emma fall apart because of her own idiocy, and yet, no matter which path she chose now, the painful ending between them was inevitable. Still, she lied to her, because the comfort of a lie was much better than pretending everything would be alright.

“I’m here,” she breathed into her ear, increasing the pressure just slightly, knowing it would be only moments now. Emma’s nails tore into her as she bit down on the brunette’s shoulder, trying to stifle the scream that was second’s away from being emitted. “I’ll always be here…”

And then Emma fell apart.

Regina watched her convulse in pleasure as the intensity of her orgasm ripped through Emma’s entire body, the sheer force of it almost startling the woman who held her so close. A sob released from the back of her throat, the ecstasy she was feeling being tangled up in emotions that Regina’s declaration had brought her. And God, it tore Regina to shreds, because she knew it had given Emma hope that there was light at the end of this tunnel. But there wasn’t. This one might be brighter than the last, but it still held a dark abyss at the end of it all.

Optimism was foolish, and yet that’s what Regina had selfishly given her. For if they were going to drown in this, she would rather hold her head above water just a little bit longer and bask in the sunlight until time ran out and their limbs got weary, sinking them back into the darkness that patiently awaited their end.

[x]

“Mom?”

Regina looked up from her intense staring match with the coffee maker to see her son standing in the threshold of the doorway, looking at her strangely. Regina blinked heavily, trying to tear herself from the pessimism that sought to consume her as she began to comprehend the situation before her.

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” 

It was Friday, after all. 

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” he countered, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at her, like _she_ was the one breaking the rules. But she was the adult here, not him, and Henry’s response caused Regina’s eyes to narrow.

“Don’t change the subject,” she responded tersely. “Why are you home this early? Because if you’ve taken to playing ‘hooky’, young man, so help me, you will never leave the confines of your bedr—!”

“ _Mom!_ ” Henry interrupted exasperatedly, before erratically gesturing at the analog clock on the kitchen wall. Regina turned, her expression becoming perplexed at the time she was presented with. It was half-past three in the afternoon; school had already let out. How on earth had it become that late already?

“Are you sick?” Henry asked, concern in his voice as he took in his mother’s bathroom-clad form. It was rare that Regina called into work, but both she and Emma had decided to do so after realizing they were planning on spending more time together. And considering that she was not only not dressed for the day, but that her face was also devoid of makeup and her hair was tangled and mussed, Regina could see why Henry would assume that she was ill. 

“I…”

But Regina didn’t really have time to formulate a lie.

“Shower’s all yours,” came Emma’s voice from the foyer as footsteps neared the kitchen. “Though I still say that we should have saved water and just showered togeeeetthhh…” Emma stopped mid-stride, her words slurring and then dropping off all together as a look of panic crossed over her face, noticing that Regina was not alone in the kitchen. “Uh… hey, kid.” 

A look of horror crossed over Henry’s face at the sentence that Emma did not back up fast enough. It was more than obvious that his parent’s relationship had reached a new level, and that was something he _never_ wanted to know. “And on _that_ disgusting note,” he responded, voice sour and agitated over his parents shattering his naivety, “I think I’m going to go tend to my bleeding ears and dying sanity upstairs.”

A look of guilt and shame passed over Emma’s face, and although Regina’s cheeks had flushed as well, she wasn’t about to let him off that easily. “Henry,” she called out, stopping the boy in his tracks. “We still need to talk about that date you have tonight, less you wish to not go out at all.”

“What, _why?_ ” Henry asked sharply, the simple request seeming to suddenly set him on edge as he whipped around to face his mothers. “You already won’t give me the car; don’t you think you’ve ruined enough? It’s none of your business who I’m going out with.”

“Do _not_ take that tone with me,” Regina warned him, causing Henry to puff out his cheeks as he exhaled a frustrated breath. She didn’t know why his temper had risen so quickly, but she wasn’t going to condone it. “I wasn’t going to ask you who you will be with, merely where you will be going. I do the same thing when you go out with your friends, do I not?”

Henry crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, saying nothing because yes, that was true. He was just aggravated and didn’t want to admit that he might have jumped the gun on attacking his mother. Still, he seemed on edge as he grumbled, “I don’t know where. I _was_ going to take her to the movies, but it’s too far to walk. So really, it’s probably gonna end up being something stupid and then she’ll never want to go out with me again and you know what, when I’m miserable and alone and living in your basement for the rest of my life, it’s gonna be no one’s fault but your own, so enjoy that.”

Oh, for Christ’s sake.

“He gets his dramatics from you, you know,” Emma told her, amused despite how frustrated the two other people in the kitchen looked. Regina shot her a glare.

“Despite what you may believe, the rest of your life isn’t riding on the outcome of one date,” Regina told him, trying to shut down this nonsensical attitude. However, Henry merely shot back with an aggravated and thoughtless,

“Says the woman who’s having an internal panic attack over the outcome of her own.”

“ _Henry,_ ” Emma interrupted sharply, taking notice of how blindsided Regina seemed by his response. She looked as though his words had punched her right in the gut, despite it not technically being insulting; merely the truth in what he saw. Still, things that Regina had suppressed in Emma’s presence in favor of giving herself more time to deal with everything had come to light, and what was worse than that, was that she knew Henry would prove his assessment so it didn’t seem like he was being senselessly mean by deflecting the unwanted attention onto his mother.

“She’s not wearing slippers, and she hates having her bare feet on the floor, even when it’s clean,” Henry told Emma, successfully diverting the conversation. “Her robe is only tied once, not twice and with a bow, like she’s always been meticulous about doing. And oh yeah, the big one? The coffee maker is just brewing hot water.”

Regina whipped around to stare at the offending object, not really believing him until she saw for her own eyes what was in it; hot water. Jesus, she had _never_ done that. Had she been _that_ caught up in her own thoughts?

“So _you’re welcome,_ ” Henry stressed to his birthmother, “for that, because she never would have talked to you about it unless someone backed her into a corner. And I know she’s gonna ground me for doing this to her in about… -I don’t know, three seconds, because she hates when I shrink her in front of other people, but try to talk her out of it, okay? Cause I have a date tonight.”

Regina saw red, lashing out instinctively at how utterly trapped and exposed her son made her feel. “ _Henry Daniel Mills—!_ ”

“Yeah, yeah,” Henry interrupted with an eye roll, turning on his heel. “’Go to my room’. I get it; there’s no need to yell.”

And then he was gone, and Regina suddenly felt like she was breaking in half, the barrier of strength she had always been meticulous about having in front of her son shattering the moment he left the room. And what was worse was that because for some disastrous reason she trusted Emma, she was no longer able to hide anything from her, causing all the anxiety she had tried to suppress about their changing relationship to show plainly across her features.

“Fuck,” Emma breathed, watching her lover begin to pace within the kitchen, her eyes wild like a caged animal’s in a desperate need to run from her own prison. It was irrational, yet in that moment, Regina couldn’t stop it. She didn’t want to deal with this, not right _now._

And probably not ever.

“Hey, _hey,_ ” Emma stressed, coming over to her and clasping their hands together, trying to get Regina to look at her, for she knew the woman had delved far into the depths of her own plaguing thoughts after their son’s observation. “Relax, okay? It was just—he’s being an ass. It’s okay.”

No it was _not_ okay. Despite what Henry said being true, that she would never have told Emma that she was panicking about this entire situation until she was backed into a corner and forced to admit it, she was furious that he had voiced it out loud. He had _no right_ to do that, even if he was trying to help in his own backwards way, which Regina wasn’t even certain was his intention at all. He was just diverting, and Regina had always been a very good target for that.

“Regina,” Emma implored, cupping the side of the brunette’s face with her palm as she encouraged the woman to look at her. “It’s… it’s okay, you know? To be freaking out about all of this. I am too. And Henry, he just…” She exhaled a soft sigh, running her thumb over the curvature of Regina’s jaw. “I think that, you know, despite the way he did it because he was aggravated with the invasion into his personal life, really just wants… I think he wants you to be okay with this. With _us._ We’re his parents, Regina, but I think he wants us to be… you know, a _family._ ”

That was probably giving Henry far too much credit than this situation actually called for, but regardless.

“Of course I understand that,” Regina snapped, her heart feeling as though it may burst from her chest by how fast and hard it was beating within her ribcage. Now that they were on the subject, her fear about _that_ rose fiercely within her. “That was what I was afraid of! This matters too much to him, and when it all comes crashing down—!”

“ _Stop it,_ ” Emma demanded, placing her fingers on Regina’s lips to silence her pessimism. “Please just… _stop_ thinking it’s going to fail, because that’s a surefire way to make it happen. Okay? So just…” Emma bit her lower lip as her eyebrows creased, looking terribly sympathetic to Regina’s plight. But she also looked rather helpless, like she wasn’t sure what she should do, so she did the first thing she thought of: she leaned in.

The kiss was light, gentle, yet it allowed Regina’s eyes to fall closed and to release a breath of air that she didn’t realize she had been holding. It was ridiculous, how even just a brief touch of the lips had the ability to subdue the unrest in Regina’s mind. Emma might be the cause of so many of her ailments, but it seemed that she was the cure for even more. There was a sense of comfort in that, despite it contradicting with how unsettled that revelation made her.

When they broke, Emma tightened her grip on Regina’s hand and rested her forehead against the other woman’s, hoping to keep her calm with a sense of closeness. “He’s like you, you know,” Emma told her softly after a moment. “He’s all freaked out, so he did what you would do, didn’t he? He turned the conversation around to make someone else feel uncomfortable.” She smirked gently. “Probably not the healthiest thing you’ve ever taught him, but at least it’s easy for me to understand what he’s doing if he mimics _you._ ”

Regina scoffed instinctively, despite the fact that she was aware how true that was. “And what would he have to be worried about? He’s a _child,_ ” she shot back without thought, and the look Emma gave her a moment afterwards made Regina feel foolish, because she knew what it was that worried their son. She just didn’t like admitting that Emma may be right, even though it was obvious that her observation was dead on.

“Regina, it’s his first date,” she told her, like she was being slow. “Not just with this girl, but his first date _ever._ So on top of being wicked nervous, now he’s worried that it’s going to go badly because he can’t do what he planned to do, and it’s freaking him out. So just… cut him some slack, okay? I get how you feel about him putting you on the spot like that, but it’s not like we have to talk about anything right now. I’m not going to force you to talk about what you’re feeling if you’re not ready.”

Regina wished that made her feel better, yet all it did was concern her even more as an emotion erupted inside of her that was so very hard to ignore. Why did Emma have to be _considerate?_ It made her feel… well, like she mattered. And it had been so _very_ long since Regina felt as though she mattered to someone in such a way.

Exhaling a soft sigh, Regina wrapped her fingers around the kitchen counter and slumped back against the marble. “Fine,” she conceded. “You may inform our son that he is no longer grounded. I should… I should take a shower.”

In all honesty, she just needed a moment alone. This morning had been filled with too many conflicting emotions, and she needed privacy to even attempt to deal with it all. But as she moved to exit the kitchen, Emma stilled her with a hand on her wrist.

“I… uh,” she stumbled, suddenly looking a little unsure of the reason she had stopped the brunette. Regina looked at her expectantly though, and Emma finally voiced, “I actually kind of think we should, um… let him have the car.”

“ _Excuse_ me?” Surely she had just misheard her, because Regina had _thought_ she had made the rules very clear.

“The movies is like a five minute drive, Regina,” Emma implored. “And he’s a good driver—”

“He is a _mediocre_ driver.”

“No, he’s a _good_ driver; he’s just not up to your perfectionist standards,” Emma corrected pointedly. Exhaling a soft sigh, she continued, “Come on. The kid needs to feel confident about this or he’s gonna blow it, and you know how screwed up teenager’s emotions are. Every little thing is like life or death. So just… cut him some slack, okay? Let him prove to us that he can be responsible.”

“He’s a teenager,” Regina retorted. “Responsibility is not in his vocabulary.”

Emma just arched an eyebrow at her, causing Regina to release a defeated sigh. Of course she trusted Henry to be responsible with the car, but that wasn’t what was stopping her from giving it to him.

“I worry,” she admitted softly after a moment’s silence. “Five minutes or five hours, it doesn’t matter; he could get into an accident, hurt himself or someone else, and I—”

“Regina,” Emma interrupted firmly, tightening her grip on the brunette’s hand momentarily. “Even when he gets his license, you’re gonna feel that way. Even when he’s thirty two, you’re probably gonna feel that way, cause that’s what parents do, you know? We worry. But we can’t keep him locked up forever; that’s ridiculous. You gotta cut the cord sometime, so just… give him this, okay? It’s one night, and I’ll make him promise to be home by eleven.”

“Nine.”

Emma released an exasperated breath. “ _Regina._ ”

“Fine, ten,” Regina compromised, not feeling great about this at all, but knowing that Emma had a point. She couldn’t prevent his independence forever. Besides, this entire situation must be terribly frightening for Henry, and she didn’t want to make it even worse. Despite not enjoying the fact that she didn’t know who her son was dating, she wanted him to have a good experience with it. A person only has a first date once, after all. “But if he’s even half a minute late, he will not be driving again until he’s eighteen.”

Emma responded to that with an eye roll, “Overdramatic, but whatever; I’ll tell him.” She hesitated for a moment before tentatively continuing, looking up at Regina beneath her lashes, “And if… if you’d _like_ , I can, you know, maybe come over later? We can worry over him together, because misery loves company and all that.”

Despite the amount of anxiety still buried deep within her, Regina smirked at that. “If you’re trying to ask me on a second date, dear, I think you can do better than that.”

“No, I…” Emma tried, then flushed a little as Regina’s smirk widened. She knew that wasn’t what Emma was trying to do, but how flustered the blonde became amused her. “I just… thought it might be easier if you weren’t up waiting for him alone, that’s all. I know you… I mean, I wouldn’t push that on you this fast. That wouldn’t be fair.”

Regina’s teasing smirk faded into a soft smile, her emotions changing so abruptly it almost startled her. She really hadn’t expected Emma to be this considerate of her feelings, and the warmth that erupted in the pit of her stomach at the blonde’s words made her feel comforted. “That’s… thank you,” Regina stumbled slightly, still unable to really comprehend how differently things had turned out between the two of them. 

It still frightened her, of course. Oh, it _terrified_ Regina to her very core, but when Emma said things like that, it made it so much easier to ignore her own pessimism and doubt.

And so she smiled at her and responded softly, “I would appreciate that.”

[x]

Hours later, Regina found that she had no idea what to do anymore.

She felt so utterly lost, drowning in something she didn’t understand. Alone time, it seemed, did not sate the demons in her mind. If anything, it only intensified their hunger for fear. And the more Regina thought about everything, really _thought_ about the mistake she had made, the greater her fear became, because this… it had all gone too far. 

She had destroyed everything. Regina was going to lose the one friend, the closest person to her outside of her own son, and it was entirely her own fault. Because people like her, they didn’t _get_ their happy endings. And Emma, she was… she deserved so much better than that. She deserved better than her, because in the end, all Regina was going to accomplish was to destroy her just as much as she destroyed herself.

And God, she didn’t want to do that to her.

But she couldn’t run from her anymore, and Regina hated herself for it. She should have been smarter, stronger, _better_. She shouldn’t have been so utterly selfish, and yet she took what she craved despite knowing how terribly it was sure to end, and when everything inevitably fell to pieces, Regina wasn’t just condemning herself to pain anymore, but the one person she never wanted to hurt.

The guilt overwhelmed her, ate her from the inside out and left a hole inside of her heart, and Regina could do nothing else but sit in the center of her bed and cry. And it angered her, how utterly useless her tears were to this entire situation, yet she could not stop. Tears streamed down her cheeks and a hand covered her mouth, trying to stifle the sound of her sobs.

It seemed to not be effective enough.

Her bedroom door flew open without even so much of a knock, her son barreling through it. “Mom, I’m—! _Mom…?_ ”

Henry stopped dead in his tracks, noticing his mother’s pained expression which she tried unsuccessfully to hide as she violently wiped her tears away. “I’m fine, dear,” she told him without even letting him ask, her voice hoarse and tight. God, she had never wanted Henry to see her like this. She never wanted _anyone_ to see her like this, but especially not him. 

“No you’re not, you’re crying,” Henry responded, his voice filling with concern as he came over to sit next to her on the bed. “What’s wrong? Did something happen with Emma?”

“No, no, we’re… everything’s okay,” Regina tried to convince him, making her voice much lighter than was natural. “It’s… a woman thing, sweetheart. Probably best to just leave it at that.”

It was a cop out, and Regina hated herself for saying it. It was such a weak response to halt a man’s line of questioning.

Henry jumped to his own conclusions and wrinkled his nose. “Uh…” he stumbled, still trying to be a good son and _help_. “Do you… want me to get the Midol…?” He looked completely perplexed, but bless his heart for trying. It was sweet, and Regina smiled softly at him as she grasped one of his hands and squeezed it.

“I’ll be alright,” she assured him, sniffling a bit as she calmed herself down. Switching the subject, she took in his appearance. “You look nice.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t know… they’re just clothes,” Henry mumbled, blushing a little as he tried to down play it. “I actually gotta—I need to go or I’m gonna be late, but, uh… do you want me to call Emma or something…?” He looked at her, apparently not entirely convinced that she was really okay.

“There’s no need,” Regina responded. “She’ll be here in about an hour anyway; we’re going to have dinner together.” A final hand squeeze before she parted from him, hoping she looked far more put together than she felt. She doubted that she did, yet tried to stick to normalcy so she wouldn’t worry him. “Now go have fun, and be sure to be back by ten.”

Henry rose, but still asked hesitantly, “You sure?”

“Go,” Regina ordered gently, and after a moment’s pause her son nodded his compliance, giving her a small smile that she returned in kind as he headed out the door to his very first date.

Her little boy wasn’t so little anymore, it seemed.

[x]

Fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang.

Regina started in her armchair in the study, the sound jolting her out of the return of her pessimistic thoughts and almost making her spill her glass of wine. Confusion flittered across her face for a moment as she tried to collect herself, getting up out of her seat and coming over to the hanging mirror to check if she looked presentable for whoever might be calling. She wasn’t expecting Emma for another hour at least – as the woman was perpetually late – so she wasn’t nearly as put together as she would have liked to be.

Her makeup was still smudged beneath her eyes from her time spent crying, and try as she might to wipe it off with just the pads of her thumbs, she still looked a mess. Sighing with aggravation as the doorbell rang once more, Regina figured it would be best to merely ignore whoever it was, as she was not suitable for callers at the moment. 

But then she heard the distinct sound of a key being jiggled in the lock, and a fierce anger rose up inside Regina at whoever _dared_ try to break into her home, the rationality that if someone was really breaking and entering they probably wouldn’t have a _key_ being lost on her as she stormed into the foyer.

The front door swung open, and Regina’s anger laid waste to perplexion as she set her eyes on a very flustered Emma.

“Jesus, you’re—why didn’t you answer the door?!” Emma exclaimed, like for some god forsaken reason, _Regina_ actually had some explaining to do.

“What on earth are you doing here this early?” Regina demanded, suddenly very much aware of how badly she looked, and hating every second of it. She ran her fingers through her hair in a vain attempt to make herself seem more put together, yet it did nothing when coupled with her splotchy cheeks and bloodshot eyes.

“Henry, he… he texted and said you were really upset and then when you didn’t answer the door I thought… well, I didn’t know what I thought, but I was just—you know, _worried_ and… you’re okay?”

It was said almost all in one breath, and Regina just stood there and blinked at her, unable to really comprehend the current situation, so she stuck with the first thing that come to mind. “Henry left ten minutes ago, and you…” she blinked heavily, “you live ten minutes away.”

Emma’s cheeks flushed a little at the implication of that and she finally closed the front door behind her, leaning against it as she tried to catch her breath. 

What did she do, _run_ all the way from the driveway? Surely Regina’s emotional state wasn’t important enough to warrant that kind of response from anyone. 

“I just…” Emma stumbled, “uh, I didn’t really think about it, I kind of just—”

“Ran out of your house,” Regina finished for her quietly, realizing that, despite how much she hated that Henry had shared her moment of weakness, it made her feel good to… well, to know that Emma had put her above anything else she might have had going on in that moment. No one had ever done that before.

“I might have hit your trashcan peeling into the driveway too,” Emma mumbled beneath her breath, her cheeks still tinged crimson. “I’ll clean it up. I just…” She looked up at Regina beneath her lashes, finally taking in the woman’s appearance. Her eyebrows creased in concern. “I… I don’t want you to be upset,” she finished quietly. “Especially if it’s because of me.”

Regina sucked in a small breath of air and wrapped her arms around her midsection, the movement acting as an armor that she had lost some time ago. “And why would you think it was about you?” Regina countered softly. “You haven’t been around for hours. Perhaps something else upset me while you were gone.”

“What, like your period?” Emma asked pointedly, raising her eyebrows. “Nice, by the way, telling our _kid_ that.”

Regina bristled in defense. “I _certainly_ did not say any such thing; it is hardly my fault if Henry jumped to an incorrect conclusion.”

Emma sighed softly as she began to close the distance between them. “Look, I… you know, I _get_ not wanting him wrapped up in the middle of this… this _thing_ between us, whatever it is, but you gotta know better by now than to lie to him. Kid sees right through you; you’re like his own personal psychology experiment. I mean… you know that, right?”

Regina’s expression darkened. “Yes,” she admitted, trying not to sound bitter about it. “I am unfortunately very much aware of that.”

Emma gave her a half smile as she weaved their fingers together. “Hey,” she said, gently nudging her shoulder against Regina’s. “I know it sucks, but take it as a compliment. You’re just… interesting to him, I guess. And he loves you; he doesn’t mean any harm by it.”

Regina let out a resigned breath of air. “I know.” Because she did. She just hated feeling so open, when all of her life she had made a habit of hiding behind wall after all.

“But I can still smack him on the back of the head and tell him to quit it, if you want,” Emma offered, giving her a wry smile to try to cheer her up. Regina chuckled softly.

“I’ll keep that in mind, dear.”

Silence fell between the two women. Then Emma looked at her, lips pursed in a tight, sympathetic smile as she began to take in Regina’s less than suitable appearance. Regina found herself incredibly self-conscious about it and tried to turn away, an excuse for space on the edge of her lips, but before the words could come, Emma exhaled a soft breath, and reached up to lightly cup the brunette’s cheek. 

Sweeping the pad of her thumb beneath Regina’s bloodshot eyes, wiping off the remnants of mascara, Emma said softly, “Look, I know this is… well, maybe I shouldn’t have just barged in but—Well, you know if you… if you want to _talk_ or anything, I’m here. I’m always going to be here for you, Regina.”

Regina’s eyes were downcast, the panic she felt from this much exposure cutting through her like a knife. She wanted to lash out, run, retreat into herself, do _something_ to get away from it, and yet her feet did not move. There was something about someone, about _Emma_ , caring enough to stand by her side to help her, heal her. But Regina felt far beyond healing, and so a feeble attempt at a lie followed instead.

“There’s nothing to discuss, dear. I was merely feeling overly stressed from missing work and—”

“ _Regina,_ ” Emma interrupted firmly, tilting the brunette’s chin gently to make eye contact. “I said I wouldn’t push, and that you can talk when you’re ready, and I mean that, but just… don’t lie to me, okay? I know this—I know _us_ , it’s… it’s scaring you. And while I wish I knew why, I can wait for an explanation. Just please… don’t pretend everything’s okay when it’s not.”

God, this destroyed her. 

Emma looked at her with such trust, such _care_ , and all Regina could think of was how badly she wanted to be with her. But it terrified her, the outcome of this scared her more than anything else ever had, and she hated that she couldn’t just enjoy this for what it was, instead of worrying about what it would be like once it ended.

Regina’s walls had shattered around her, the remnants of it shredding her to pieces as she unwittingly allowed herself to feel for the woman before her. She had spent so many years protecting herself from something like this, building up what she had believed to be an indestructible armor around her heart, and what good did it do her? 

It had failed. Regina Mills was no longer made of stone, and the terrible thing was, she couldn’t even find it within herself to mourn the loss of it.

She wanted this. She needed it, _craved_ it, but in the end, it would never satisfy her, for Regina had always been too consumed by living in any moment other than the one that was currently happening. She never saw what _is_ , only what was and what could be, and it was the inability to just _live_ which had always caused her the most pain.

God, she didn’t want to do that anymore though. She just wanted to enjoy it. 

_Why couldn’t she just enjoy it?_

Regina’s lashes hit her cheeks and she turned away, unable to look at her anymore. Emotion was rising up within her so fiercely that she didn’t even have a hope of stopping it, and as her throat tightened and her vision blurred, she felt a hot tear scorch its way down her cheek. Emma inhaled a sharp breath.

“Regina,” she breathed, her face etching in concern as she delicately wiped away the offending tear. “Please, just… if you need to, just _talk_ to me. It kills me to see you like this, and its worse knowing it’s my own fault.” Emma swallowed hard, trying to get a hold of her own emotions, but her eyes were beginning to glass over as she watched Regina begin to shatter before her eyes. 

Regina said nothing. She didn’t know how to start, and every word that came to mind got choked up in her throat. Emma watched her, unwarranted guilt beginning to consume her as a singular tear fell from her own eye. It was wiped away with the back of her hand and as Emma took a shuddered inhale of breath, she began to believe something that wasn’t in the slightest bit true.

“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered as she gathered the distraught woman up in her arms. Her fingers tightened in her hair as she held her close, apologizing for something that wasn’t her fault. “I never meant to hurt you. It’s the last thing I ever wanted to do…”

“No,” Regina finally choked out before covering her mouth with her hand, sucking in a deep breath through her nose as she tried to control herself. She felt so lost and was desperate to run, but she had nowhere to go, for the only place she truly felt safe was right where she was: in Emma’s arms. It was maddening and it was distressing and she just wanted to stop feeling this way.

“No,” she repeated, throat tight with emotion. “This isn’t your fault. I’m merely…” Regina hesitated, but the truth came out regardless of her second thoughts, her voice cracking under the strain of admission. “I’m quite adept at destroying everything I care for. And I _can’t_ —”

But words failed her, another sob escaping her lips. Regina pushed on Emma’s shoulders, trying to find space in some vain attempt of portraying false strength, but Emma wouldn’t let her go. 

“Regina, don’t, please,” she begged softly, her own voice beginning to sound pressured as she fought to keep her own emotions at bay. “Don’t run from me. I’ve— _Jesus_ this is going to sound corny—but I’ve… I’ve been fucking waiting for someone like you my whole life, you know? And maybe I’m alone in feeling that way, but if I’m not I just… I really want to be everything that you need, and I just _can’t_ if I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know what to do here; tell me what you need me to do, because it breaks my fucking heart to see you like this.”

Regina wasn’t expecting it, but the request came without thought, shrouded by emotion and fear as the brunette suddenly rounded on her and exclaimed, unable to hold in her fear any longer, “Don’t _leave!_ ”

Confusion and sympathy washed over Emma’s face then, her jaw slacking as she tried to make sense of the senseless. “What? Regina, I’m _not_ —”

“You will,” Regina choked out, trying to get ahold of herself and yet failing miserably. Her vision was blurred and her throat was painfully tight, and yet she continued because some part of her desperately needed Emma to realize how afraid she truly was. “This can’t last. It _won’t_ last and when it ends I—you’re… Emma, you’re my _only_ —”

But she choked up again, and Emma’s palm pressed comfortingly against the brunette’s dampened cheek as she looked at her imploringly. “I’m your only what, Regina?” she whispered, looking both hopeful and terrified of the answer she would be given.

Regina took a deep breath, trying to find courage buried deep inside of her. “You’re my only friend,” she breathed finally, sadly, the truth of that statement washing over her and making her feel so terribly pathetic. “Outside of my… of our son, you’re… you’re the only person I _have._ I can’t lose that. I can’t… I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.”

“I will,” Regina gasped, the tears unable to stop as she violently tried to wipe away the weakness that they held. “People like me… we don’t get our happy endings. And you… you deserve _better_ —”

“I don’t want better,” Emma told her firmly, looking at her with such emotion that it felt as though her heart would burst from her chest. “I don’t want some fairytale prince, or a knight in shining armor; I don’t want perfection, Regina, because I’m nowhere close myself. What I want, what I _need_ … is you.” 

Her thumb traced Regina’s trembling bottom lip as she looked at her own fairytale come true, seeing so much more to her than what the brunette believed she was made of. “Okay?” Emma breathed softly, looking up at Regina beneath her lashes. “All I want is you.”

Regina took a shuddered inhale of breath as Emma’s words caused a raging fire to ignite within her heart, shooting through her veins and devouring her fear, for what that had made her feel was stronger than doubt could ever hope to be.

“I can’t promise it’ll be forever,” Emma admitted softly, looking as though she almost hated herself for that. “But I can promise you that I want it to be. And maybe I just fucked everything up by saying that _way_ too soon, but I don’t—God, I don’t know what else to say to convince you that you shouldn’t be afraid. I don’t want to lose you either. I might have other friends, but you’re… Regina, you’re the most important person in my life. It would kill me if I lost that, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try to have something better. Because while being your friend is great, being _with_ you, that’s… that’s the best experience I’ve ever had.”

Emma smiled softly at her, adding, “And you know, sometimes I really don’t know how I got so lucky, because I probably don’t deserve it.”

Regina sniffled, her tears having subsided as she closed her eyes and gently leaned her forehead against Emma’s, the feeling that the woman’s words gave her igniting a fire within her heart. “You are irritatingly perfect,” she muttered after a moment, trying to sound annoyed about it, and Emma chuckled.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Regina murmured, her nose lightly bumping against Emma’s as she trailed her lips down the contour of her cheek. “It’s why I find I can’t run from you…”

Because she couldn’t. Not anymore. Being with Emma… that was where she belonged, despite how terribly frightening it could be.

Emma smiled, tilting her head just slightly to brush her lips against Regina’s, giving her a soft kiss as she wrapped a protective hand around the back of her neck. “Stay with me,” she whispered, the imploring words tickling Regina’s skin as she looked deeply into dark eyes. “ _Be_ with me. I need you.”

Regina exhaled a small breath of air, releasing the fight that had resonated within her. She couldn’t do this anymore. Even if this destroyed her, she needed it; she needed _her._ And so Regina buried her face in Emma’s neck, searching for courage within her lover’s arms as she finally succumbed to her feelings, and relented with a nod.

**TBC…**


	5. Acceptance

**PART V  
Acceptance**

“We have to tell them some time.”

A disgruntled look passed over the brunette’s face as her eyes connected with Emma’s through the vanity mirror in her bedroom. The Sherriff was behind her with her arms crossed over her chest, one eyebrow raised expectantly. Regina sighed, turning her vision back to her own reflection as she picked up a tube of lipstick.

“I’d prefer it if we left them to formulate their own conclusions. Talking about personal matters is not exactly something I excel at, dear.”

Emma rolled her eyes at that, knowing it was a cop out. “You’re just trying to put the responsibility on _me,_ and that’s not fair, Regina.” 

“I am doing no such thing,” Regina protested after she had lined her lips with color, shooting Emma an annoyed glance through the reflective surface. “Letting your parents come to their own conclusions doesn’t involve talking on _either_ of our parts. As you were in an absolute panic about telling them during the first couple months of our relationship, I assumed this would be preferable.”

Emma threw out her hands, exasperated with Regina’s refusal. “Are you kidding me?” she asked, looking at Regina as though she had five heads. “You realize that once I move in next week they’re gonna be fucking _bombarding_ me with questions, right? I mean come on, whether we like it or not, our time’s up on hiding this.”

Yes, Regina supposed she would have to agree there. Moving in together didn’t exactly leave much room for interpretation, but still… she didn’t _talk_ about her personal life. That just wasn’t something she had ever done, or something she ever planned to do. It wasn’t anyone’s business.

But Emma wasn’t finished. “It’s been six months, Regina,” she reminded her pointedly, “and I’m pretty sure I’m already gonna get my ass reamed for hiding you… this, _us,_ whatever, for so long, but… ugh, just—fuck, come _on._ ” Emma’s firm tone fell to a whine as she stomped her foot and shot her a pleading look. “Don’t make me do this alone. That’s not fair.”

Regina exhaled a tired breath as she put the finishing touches on her makeup. “I hope you weren’t expecting to do this today, because if you ruin Henry’s birthday party and upset him, _so help me,_ Miss Swan.”

Emma lips quirked up into a smirk, reading between the lines. “Was that a yes?”

Regina’s line of sight landed briefly on the other woman’s reflection for a moment before training it back on herself as she fluffed her hair. “It was an acknowledgement.”

Emma frowned. “What does that mean?”

“It means we’ll talk about it later,” Regina told her pointedly as she stepped back and assessed her reflection in the mirror. Deeming it suitable for the evening’s festivities, she turned around and faced Emma. “You should probably get dressed. We still need to do some set up before everyone arrives.”

Emma narrowed her eyes. “I _am_ dressed.” She gestured to herself sarcastically. “See? There are clothes on my body.”

“Funny,” Regina deadpanned, but Emma still smirked at her own response. At least she amused herself. “But I think our son’s seventeenth birthday warrants a little more than jeans and a tank top, don’t you?”

“Regina, we’re not holding a _banquet,_ ” Emma responded, her tone beginning to get frustrated. She hated when Regina nitpicked. “Half this house is gonna be filled with teenagers anyway; do you really think they’re gonna care if we’re dressed to impress?”

Regina sighed as she crossed the room towards her lover. Placing a chaste kiss on Emma’s cheek, she reminded her softly, “It’d be nice to put a little more effort into your appearance during special occasions, dear; it shows that you care. Besides, if you need a little incentive, I can assure you that I would be _very_ appreciative if you did…”

Emma side-glanced her, weighing her options for a moment. “And does this appreciation involve you ripping the damn things off of me later?” she asked, her tone more serious than what would be expected from that kind of question. She barely even batted an eyelash as she added, “Because then I might even wear a dress.” 

And then there it was; a small flicker of playfulness in her eyes, and a tiny smirk that followed.

Regina, however, was stuck on the idea of Emma in a dress. In the six months they had been together, she had never seen her in one. The mental image she began to picture was _very_ appealing, and after her fingers trailed softly down Emma’s spine, her hand found her ass, giving it a firm squeeze and prompting Emma to let out a small gasp.

“If you wear a dress, dear,” Regina drawled, “I promise you I’ll bend you over my vanity and fuck you in it later.” 

Emma groaned, closing her eyes as she no doubt pictured that, but Regina wasn’t finished. The Mayor’s tone was low, husky with need as she trailed her lips across Emma’s jaw, placing them next to her ear before putting the icing on the cake with a seductive whisper, “ _And I’ll wear the harness when I do so._ ”

Emma nearly collapsed.

“Fuck,” she swore, her eyes beginning to darken with lust. It had always been her wearing it, and the role reversal seemed to please her immensely as she tried to get a hold of herself. “I… uh, I need to go—go get changed,” she stuttered, backing away from Regina and practically bolting out of the bedroom, her haste to make that a reality overshadowing all else in that moment.

Regina chuckled as she watched her go. It was strange, being in this kind of a comfortable place with Emma; she would have never expected for this to feel so… simple. She spent months terrified of ‘what if’s’, and despite the fact that her fears hadn’t entirely subsided – which was a major factor in why she didn’t feel ready to ‘come out’ just yet – she found that it was much easier to push her worries aside when she spent her nights wrapped in Emma’s arms.

Emma couldn’t promise her forever, but she wanted to try. She was willing to fight for what they had, fight for _her_. She soothed Regina’s fears whenever they arose and kissed away her tears. Emma made her smile, she made her laugh, she made her feel safe. And as that was something she found she never wanted to lose, she had asked the woman to move in with her on their six-month anniversary. 

Regina had expected the prospect of something serious with Emma to absolutely terrify her and drive her into a pit of uncontrollable paranoia, but it hadn’t. At least, not right then. Now, the closer the date came, Regina found her anxiety heightening with each passing day. And it wasn’t as though she was having second thoughts, because she wasn’t, but there was something so final about it that still, despite everything she had overcome, frightened her.

It was the difference between falling, and crashing and burning should their relationship reach an end.

But Regina tried not to think about it. She promised Emma she wouldn’t be so pessimistic anymore, for all it did was create problems that didn’t have to exist. Emma would kiss her on the cheek and stroke her back, reminding her that if she just lived in the moment, she would be happy. Because they were, they really _were._ Domestication, believe it or not, seemed to actually suit them.

Regina just prayed that it would last, for she had become far too comfortable with Emma being in her life to remember how to live it without her.

[x]

“Stop staring,” Regina hissed in the blonde’s ear, grasping onto the woman’s forearm and steering her away from the gaggle of teenagers that were gathering in the foyer. “Henry will realize that we know who she is, and we agreed to wait until he was ready, did we not? I know it’s difficult for you, dear, but do try to act casual.”

Emma exhaled an impatient breath, shifting the weight between her feet. “I just don’t get it,” she responded in a low voice, so as not to be overheard. “It isn’t like the girl’s some kind of delinquent, why the hell won’t he just introduce us? It’s been months, Regina. _Months._ I’m not built for this kind of patience.”

“I’m aware,” Regina told her dryly. “But unless you want our son to know that you went behind his back and investigated into his personal life, you will act as though Ms. Finn is like any other questionably dressed teenager that currently inhabits this house, is that clear?”

Emma grumbled something under her breath, but did not argue. She knew how furious Henry would be if he found out they knew who he was dating before he told them.

Regina put her hand on the small of Emma’s back, trying to ease her impatience as she leaned in. “By the way, dear,” she breathed into her ear, trying to get the woman’s mind onto a different subject, “You really _should_ wear dresses more often…”

Emma flushed lightly at the compliment. “I feel awkward.”

“You look _delicious._ ”

Emma’s breathing shallowed a bit at Regina’s counter, her pupils darkening as she caught the brunette’s wanton gaze, but before she could say anything, her name was called out through the crowd. “Emma!”

“Mom!” Emma realized, her voice at least two octaves higher than it should have been as she and Regina both made an effort to put some space between themselves as Snow walked up to greet them, Charming in tow. “I, uh… hi.”

Snow’s brow knitted at Emma’s strange behavior, but she seemed to merely brush it off as she clasped her daughter’s hands in her own. “You look wonderful, honey. I almost didn’t recognize you in a dress!”

“It seems Miss Swan has something that passes for taste after all,” Regina interjected dryly, causing the attention to turn on her. “Snow, David,” she acknowledged, giving them a short nod of her head, “if you’ll excuse me…”

And then she was gone, because there was no way in hell that she was going to subject herself to time with Emma’s parents if she didn’t have to. The blonde shot her an annoyed look, but Regina ignored it, weaving her way through the crowd to find her son.

Henry was talking animatedly to his friends, the cluster of them blocking the doorway. “Honey,” Regina said, lightly placing her hand on his back to get his attention. “Why don’t you and your friends go into the living room? There’s much more space for you all in there.”

“What? Oh,” Henry realized, turning around to face his mother. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I’ll—” But he stopped, interrupted by a young girl with dark hair clearing her throat next to him and nudging him with his elbow. Henry flushed, looking a little panicked.

“Err… right. I, uh… Mom, where’s Emma? I need to, um, talk to you both for a sec.”

Regina’s eyebrows rose. She hadn’t expected Henry’s girlfriend to _want_ to meet them, which is what this situation looked like it was turning into. Regina was more than aware that she and Emma could be rather intimidating, with her being the Mayor and former Evil Queen, and Emma being the Sherriff of the town. But it seemed the girl was done waiting, and her insistence won her some points in Regina’s eyes.

Perhaps it wasn’t so terrible that her son was dating after all.

“She’s speaking with her parents right now,” Regina informed him. “Would you like me to go get her?”

“No, uh, I mean—it… it can wait— ow!” Henry rubbed his ribs where the girl had elbowed him, and when he shot her a look she just smiled at him sweetly. Regina smirked despite herself as Henry revised, “I mean, yeah, now is good.”

“I’ll be back in a moment,” Regina told him, trying to hide her satisfied smile as she sauntered over to where Emma was in conversation with Snow and David. She placed a hand on the woman’s arm out of habit more than anything else as she leaned in and told her, “Henry’s _girlfriend_ would like our son to speak to us.”

“What?” Emma started, her eyes widening as she completely abandoned the conversation she was having with her parents. “Are you serious?”

“Mmm.”

“He’s finally going to introduce you?” Snow asked, a proud smile breaking out on her face at the news. Henry had told her and David who he was dating two months ago, but had asked them to keep it a secret from his mothers until he was ready to bring her home. Of course, Emma already knew who she was, and subsequently had already informed _her_ parents a month before that, so Snow had revealed when Henry had finally come to her. 

“I’m glad he’s finally decided to,” Snow continued. “I think it’s such a shame when children think they have to hide their relationships from their parents, when all we want is for them to be happy.” 

Panic flashed in Emma’s eyes, taking the sentence as a dig at her own secret relationship as she whipped around to face her mother. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked without thought, her voice filled with accusation and paranoia. Snow’s face washed with confusion.

“What? Nothing. I merely—” But Snow cut herself off, her eyes widening as she realized what might be making Emma jumpy about the subject. “Emma, do _you_ have a—?”

Regina grasped Emma’s hand in hers, pulling the woman away from her parents as she cut in with a tersely polite, “I don’t mean to be rude, dear, but Emma and I need to speak with Henry before he changes his mind. I’ll be sure to bring her right back to you when we’re through.”

And then they were gone, lost in the crowd as they made their way over to Henry.

“For someone who wishes to tell her parents the truth, you look awfully pale,” Regina muttered beneath her breath as they approached their son.

“I just— _I_ want to tell them, okay? Not—not have them already know or, I don’t—Henry!” Emma called, cutting herself off and successfully switching the subject from something so uncomfortable. She plastered a smile on her face that looked _much_ too forced as they came to a stop before him and his girlfriend. “What’s up, kid? You need us?”

“I… um, yeah,” Henry stumbled, shifting the weight between his feet as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked so much like Emma in that moment that it was uncanny, and Regina adored him just a little bit more. “I… you see, I kinda just—I mean, I wanted to…”

The girl behind him let out an exasperated sigh as she extended her hand to them. “Hi, I’m Melody,” she introduced, smiling at them like, for some unforeseeable reason, she wasn’t frightened at all. Emma looked impressed, and Regina would have to admit that she felt the same. 

“Hello, Melody,” Regina greeted, taking the girls hand in her own. The teenager’s grip was firm, assured; mimicking Regina’s own. “It’s very nice to meet you. I assume you are one of my son’s friends?” She said it like she knew better, because Henry _had_ told him that he was dating after all, he just didn’t reveal whom.

Melody shot Henry a look, encouraging _him_ to say something, and the boy was back to stuttering. “She, um… Melody is—is my friend.” A beat, then a pointed shoulder nudge from the girl next to him. “Who’s a girl,” he continued awkwardly. “You know, a girl who’s a friend; like a girlfriend sort of… person. Okay? She’s my girlfriend.”

Henry looked like he was on trial for his life, and Regina couldn’t fathom why he looked so terribly panicked. While Regina did, at first, have difficulty with her son dating, she had months of Emma telling her that she had to get used to it, and she had. Mostly. It was strange, of course – Henry would always be her little boy, and if that girl ended up hurting him then it would be the last thing that she _ever_ did – but for now, everything was fine. She had accepted that he was growing up. 

It had just taken a little encouragement to do so.

“Well I’m glad we’re finally able to meet,” Regina politely responded, speaking to Melody instead of her son, as the poor thing looked as though he might pass out from the anticipation of their reaction. “With everything going on today this probably isn’t the best time to sit down and talk, but perhaps you would like to have dinner with us next weekend? Emma and I would appreciate it if we could have some time to get to know you, as you seem very important to our son.”

“Oh god,” Henry groaned beneath his breath, looking like the suggestion made his world end. Emma couldn’t help but laugh at his expression.

“Relax before you pop a vein, kid. We’re not gonna grill her during it, okay? Just breathe. This is kind of how things go when you bring a girl home.”

“I know and I _am_ breathing, okay?” Henry shot back, his cheeks tingeing pink from Emma embarrassing him. But Melody tangled her fingers in his, silently calming him as she smiled warmly at his mothers.

“I’d like that. I’ve been wanting to meet you guys for a while now.”

“Wonder what was stopping you,” Emma teased lightly, shooting a playful look at Henry to try to ease the tension. 

She missed the mark entirely however, and Henry, already feeling on edge and embarrassed about the entire situation, and probably feeling like his mothers and girlfriend were ganging up on him now, shot back with, “Hey, like you’re one to talk; you’ve been dating my mom for just as long and you still haven’t told _Grandma._ ”

“ _What?_ ” a previously conversation-engaged Ruby turned around, having overheard them. Her eyes were wide and her jaw dropped almost comically, if not for the fact that this was _very not funny._ God damn everyone and their insistence on crowding in the foyer when there were a dozen other damn rooms in this house.

“…Fucking hell.”

“ _Emma!_ ”

“Hey, don’t bitch at me for swearing right now, do you even—!”

Her son looked panicked, realizing his mistake. “Oh shit, I’m sorry; I didn’t—” But his own use of less than stellar vocabulary caused Regina to snap at him, as she didn’t really know what else to do in this situation. This was not going to go well.

“ _Henry!_ ”

The boy rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, _whatever—_ ”

“You’re dating _Regina?_ ” Ruby interjected, still stuck on that little fact, which pleased the entirety of no one. She looked as though she could slap herself across the face for not realizing it sooner. “Oh my god, was _she_ your mystery first date a few months back? I can’t believe you didn’t tell—!”

“Shh!!” Emma hissed as she pressed her hand over Ruby’s mouth. Her eyes were panicked as she glanced over at her parents across the room, who thankfully didn’t look like they had heard her. The commotion, did, however, seem to draw their attention, and they began making their way over to the group.

“Please, _please_ don’t say anything,” Emma begged her friend softly, hand still firmly clapped over the brunette’s lips. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, but it’s just—”

“What’s going on?” David asked, looking between Emma and Ruby and their conspicuous position, which was ceased immediately as Emma stepped away from the wolf, looking terribly guilty. She shoved her hands in her pockets and averted her gaze. “Is everything okay here?”

“Uh… yeah, we just—um…”

“Sorry; my fault,” Ruby told him with a light laugh, thankfully prioritizing her friendship with Emma over the juiciest piece of gossip she had ever gotten her hands on. “I think I drank too much of Regina’s cider and I got a little loud; Emma was just trying to tell me in her own little special way to can it.” She smirked, poking fun at Emma to try to downplay it.

“Emma, _words_ work just as well,” Snow told her pointedly, giving her daughter a disapproving look for how she had handled the fictitious situation. Regina released a breath of air she didn’t realize she had been holding, thankful that Ruby hadn’t revealed what she knew; there was a time and a place, and right now was not it.

“Right, sorry. Yeah.”

Thankfully, Snow immediately turned her attention onto her grandson. “Oh, Henry, sweetie, your grandfather and I want to give you your present, could you—”

But the rest of that was lost to Regina as Snow steered their son away from them, and Ruby shot Emma a stern look once the blonde’s parents were far enough away. “You owe me. You owe me _big._ ”

Regina bit back an aggravated sigh as Emma began apologizing to her friend for her deceit. Despite Ruby keeping quiet for now, Regina didn’t have much hope that the information would stay hidden for long, and the closer they got to coming out, the harder it became for her to stay calm. Regardless of what Emma had thought earlier, neither of them were ready for this, and she feared what would happen if they were forced to come clean about their relationship earlier than they were prepared for.

[x]

“This is so fucking stressful.” Emma sighed as her back collided heavily with the refrigerator, making the whole thing shake as Regina was trying to grab the cake from off the bottom shelf.

“ _Careful!_ ”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Relax, I’m not gonna break it.”

Regina pursed her lips into a thin line, but opted to say nothing at all as she took the cake into her hands. She understood that Emma was having a difficult time now that her mother’s best friend knew their secret, and Regina had learned some months ago to pick her battles wisely. And as Emma hadn’t actually knocked anything over or broken anything, this was not one of them. 

After closing the refrigerator door, Regina moved to place the cake on the counter. “I believe Ms. Lucas knows better than to reveal what she knows, at least right now. Just try to enjoy the rest of the party, dear.”

“No, I know she wouldn’t—Ruby wouldn’t do that to me, but I just…” Emma sighed heavily, pushing her hand through her hair. “I don’t know. I thought we were ready, but I felt like I was practically having a fucking panic attack when Ruby overheard us, so I don’t know anymore.”

Regina reached up and opened the cabinet above the sink to pull out some candles as Emma continued. “It’s not like I’m… ashamed of you, or whatever. Or that I don’t wanna move in just to put this off, cause I want to, you know? Like really bad. It’d be… well, you know. But… ugh, _fuck._ ” Emma groaned, placing her arms on the counter as she pitched her head forward to bury her face in them. “I just don’t want this to fuck everything up,” she mumbled, the words barely audible.

Regina heard her however, and she took her eyes off her task to take in Emma’s emotional dramatics. Her eyebrows creased in concern and she came over to her, running her hand down the small of the blonde’s back. “Why would you think that, dear?” she asked softly, even though a part of her was afraid of it too. But Emma had always been the rock, the solid one in their relationship, and it was strange to be on the same page with her, instead of learning how to get on hers.

Emma took a deep breath and rightened herself, her eyes connecting with Regina’s. The corners of her lips were turned down into a frown as she leaned her weight against the counter with one hand. “I don’t know, I just…” 

But Regina gave her a pointed look, knowing she knew _exactly_ what was bothering her, and Emma relented with a soft sigh. “Okay, please don’t take this the wrong way,” she began, which didn’t exactly make Regina’s heart soar, yet she opted for silence anyway, needing to hear her out. “But like… it’s been difficult enough trying to get you to accept that this, _us_ , is a good thing, and not the beginnings of a shit show, and we’ve finally got to this place where I think you have – at least for the most part – and I don’t…”

Emma’s expression etched into one of worry as she revealed, “I don’t want anything to fuck that up, Regina. And sometimes you don’t…” She bit her lip momentarily, thinking of how to word her thoughts. “Well, you’re not really one for change, you know? And telling them, telling _everybody_ … it’s gonna change things.”

Regina pursed her lips, staying silent for a moment. Emma’s eyebrows creased, most likely worried that she had upset her, and she reached forward and cupped the brunette’s cheek in her hand. “I’m not blaming you,” she told her softly. “I just… I’m scared if I fuck this up, I’m gonna lose you. I mean, my parents don’t _hate_ you anymore, but they’re still not your biggest fans, and if this puts negativity on our relationship it might—”

“Honestly, dear, I couldn’t care _what_ your parents think of our relationship,” Regina said finally, honestly. Snow and David had no bearing on who she did or did not chose to care for. She had spent a large majority of her life making theirs miserable, so if her dating their daughter did so, then it wouldn’t be anything she wasn’t used to.

Emma’s hopeful eyes connected with hers. “Really?”

“Yes, _really,_ ” Regina affirmed, which caused Emma to release a relieved breath of air. “However,” Regina stressed, which made the blonde noticeably deflate again. Still, Regina felt as though she should be honest. “I still don’t feel as though… well, I don’t think I’m entirely ready for everyone to know yet. And I’m aware that continuing our secrecy may not be feasible, as your change of residence is sure to raise some eyebrows, but I merely… I wanted you to know that. I think that you should.”

Emma worried her bottom lip for a moment, trailing her fingertips up Regina’s forearm. “So what do we do?” she asked softly, her gaze entranced on the path of her feather light touches.

Regina glanced down to watch Emma’s fingers as well, until slowly moving to grasp the blonde’s hand in hers, causing the woman to look up at her. “I could… perhaps make it so that your apartment is no longer available for lease, and, out of the goodness of my heart, allow you to stay with me until you find a new one.”

Emma laughed. “Oh my god, are you serious?”

Regina shrugged lightly, a small smirk playing at the edge of her lips. It would halt everyone’s line of questioning, at least for now. At least until they were ready.

“I… yeah,” Emma relented, nodding her compliance to the plan. “Yeah, I guess that could work. But I just—” She cut herself off though, averting her gaze. So Regina did what Emma had done so many times before, a gesture that both comforted and brought her back to the conversation, and lightly grasped the blonde’s chin in her hand to turn her gaze back to hers.

“But what, dear?”

Emma frowned, her brow creasing. “Do you… _ever_ think that you’ll be ready? Or are you just like, preparing for the ‘inevitable’ and trying to make it easier for us to separate when the time comes? Because sometimes I know that… I don’t know, even though you do want this, and you’ve become somewhat okay with it, there’s still this part of you that’s like… waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I don’t want to live my life like that forever. I don’t want _you_ to live your life like that forever.”

Regina looked at her for a long moment, tracing her thumb softly across Emma’s bottom lip. “I think,” she began softly, “that I perhaps use that word much too freely. Something is only inevitable if you make it so, and I don’t… I am not planning to lose you, Emma. Not now, and certainly not any time soon. So yes, I’m sure that one day I’ll be ready. I’m just unsure of when that will be. Is that… acceptable to you?”

“Yeah,” Emma responded quietly, giving her a soft smile. “Yeah, I can live with that.”

[x]

“No, Mom it’s—I don’t _care_ if they’re trained, we can’t have a choir of birds at our wedding. That’s just—”

Regina smirked, watching Emma sigh heavily as she began pacing back and forth in their bedroom, looking thoroughly exasperated. She had just called to tell Snow the news, but apparently her mother had been holding in potential wedding plans for quite some time now.

“I don’t _know_ yet what kind of cake we’re gonna—no, Regina’s allergic to chocolate—yeah, but… no, okay, Mom, we just— we’ve been engaged for a total of _twenty four hours_ , we have plenty of time to plan this stuff, we don’t have to do it all right now.”

It was strange, realizing that Snow was so invested in this. When they had finally told her and David about their relationship, it hadn’t exactly been the easiest of conversations; particularly because they had chosen to hide it from them for over a year, which had made Snow wary about how serious Regina was about the relationship in comparison to Emma. In the end though, the biggest issue they had was the fear that the Mayor would break their daughter’s heart, which was… odd, to say the least.

Though it had been many years since Regina had stopped trying to actively destroy Snow’s life, she still hadn’t expected them to accept her as her daughter’s partner. And although they still didn’t get along that well, Snow had seemed to realize that Regina made her daughter very happy, and accepted her into their family.

And according to Emma, for the past six months, she had been pushing for her daughter to pop the question because ‘three years together is more than enough time to feel ready’ and ‘well, it isn’t as though you’re getting any younger, sweetheart.’

Which answered the question of why Emma seemed to be getting so many migraines lately.

“Mom? … _Mom!_ ” Emma exclaimed into the telephone, trying to get Snow’s attention. Slumping against the far wall, her face masking into an exasperated expression, she amended, “No, I—sorry, I wasn’t trying to yell at you, I just… Henry, we have to pick him up from the airport, so I gotta go.”

A beat.

“Yeah, I’ll— _yes,_ Mom, I promise I’ll ask, okay? I’ll—I’ll talk to you later, alright? Bye.”

Emma groaned heavily after she had hung up the phone, slumping dramatically to the floor. Regina smirked, idly twirling the diamond ring on her finger as she watched her. “It can’t be that bad, dear,” she responded, even though she was fairly certain that, knowing Snow, it very well could be.

“Oh yeah?” Emma countered from her seat on the carpet. “Well, since my mom apparently isn’t putting any bets on me wearing a dress to this thing, _guess who she wants to take dress shopping._ ”

Regina’s face masked into one of horror. “Over my dead body.” She paused for a moment before continuing pointedly, “And you’re wearing a dress, dear.”

Emma shot her a grumpy look, but didn’t contradict her. She knew how much Regina liked it when she wore dresses, and if she meant to rob Regina of that pleasure on her _wedding day,_ then she had another thing coming.

“Yeah well, you’re gonna be the one to tell her that you can shop on your own, because I’m probably gonna have to deal with her wanting a _prancing deer_ to send our rings down the aisle, or whatever the fuck.” Regina raised a disbelieving eyebrow and Emma held out her hands in surrender. “Hey, I don’t know. You know how weird she is about animals. I already had to tell her no to a freaking _bird choir;_ she’s probably gonna have a backup plan.”

Emma sighed heavily as she picked herself up off the carpet, a slight pout on her lips as she made her way over to Regina. The brunette held out her hand, encouraging Emma to come to her, and after she took it the Sherriff slumped onto the bed next to her, leaning her head on Regina’s shoulder. 

“Can we teleport to Boston instead of drive?” she wined softly. “I’m exhausted already, and I’ve only been awake for like two hours.”

Regina lightly rolled her eyes as she ran her fingers through Emma’s golden locks. “You know the answer to that, but if you’d like I can drive while you take a nap in the back seat.”

A soft sigh. “Fine,” she relented, knowing it was a long shot anyway, since Regina hadn’t done magic in years. She nuzzled her head into the brunette’s neck for a moment before telling her, “I can’t believe he’s coming back from his freshman year in _college._ Makes me feel old.”

“It makes _you_ feel old?” Regina countered, having quite a few years on the woman in her arms. Emma laughed softly.

“Sorry, Early-Bird-Special.”

Regina pinched her.

“Ow!” Emma exclaimed, jumping from the unpleasant feeling. She laughed though. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Still, you gotta admit, for someone who should be walking with a cane right now, you look pretty damn good.”

Regina raised an annoyed eyebrow. “Do you wish to spend the night on the couch, Miss Swan?”

Emma smirked, lightly pushing Regina down to lie on her back as she began to crawl over her body. “Only if you sleep there with me,” she responded suggestively, licking her bottom lip before leaning down and capturing the brunette’s mouth with her own. But when Regina parted her lips to allow Emma in, the blonde pulled her own away and they fell downwards to find Regina’s cheek, her jaw, her neck. “ _Naked._ ”

Regina made a small sound in the back of her throat, her eyes fluttering closed as she turned her head to the side to allow Emma more access. Fingers bunching in flimsy fabric, Regina’s hips craned as she countered breathlessly, feeling Emma begin to suck lightly on her jugular, “We’re always naked when we sleep, dear.”

“Mmm,” Emma murmured against olive skin, placing butterfly kisses all the way up to her ear. “And I don’t care how old we get, I _never_ want that to change…”

Regina smiled, brushing the hair out of Emma’s eyes. “Me neither, love,” she responded softly, feeling the truth in her own words. The woman who was to be become her wife looked down at her, a warm smile being returned to Regina tenfold. “Me neither.”

There’s a certain type of feeling one gets when they’re with the person that they’re meant to spend the rest of their life with. It’s a comforting warmth, a feeling of safety and contentment, and a sense of unwavering happiness that before, you wonder how you ever lived without. Regina had spent many years building stone walls around her heart, protecting it from something that, in the end, Regina couldn’t remember why she rejected. Pain was inevitable in life, and the losses she had had would always cripple her, but Regina found it was easier to walk through this world when she had someone at her side.

Perhaps being soft made one vulnerable, but as Regina looked into Emma’s eyes, feeling the ring on her finger and the love in her heart, she realized that perhaps some things were worth shattering her armor for after all.

**THE END**


End file.
